July Fools Day?
by TeamEdwardCullen8208
Summary: Despite Edwards warning, Bella insists on coming over on the Vampire version of April Fools Day. Will the Cullens take advantage of poor, clumsy, unsuspecting Bella? Of course! NOW COMPLETE, SEQUEL NOW UP!
1. What's The Big Deal?

**DISCLAIMER-No, I don't own Twilight. Or any of it's characters. If I did, do you think I'd be sitting at my computer right now?**

My first fanfiction. Reviews would be appreciated.

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As I drove my truck slowly down the winding driveway, I began to get nervous. Today was July seventeenth, a day Edward had warned me about.

"Please, Bella. I am telling you that one more day away from me will not kill you. And a day here might. The 17th is the vampire version of April Fools Day." His velvet voice purred though the speaker of my newly acquired cell phone. "I'll come to see you tomorrow, I swear on my life... Well, that won't work." He muttered to himself. " I swear on our love that I will come see you as soon at it's safe for you."

"Oh, come on Edward. I'm sure no one will even bother playing a prank on me. The unsuspecting human? It's too easy. They'd get bored." I tried to convince myself while reassuring him.

"I think that you are proving my point exactly." He sighed. He could hear the whine of my trucks engine from inside his house by now. I was sure of it.

"You've been gone for three days, and I can't wait to see you anymore. Unless, of course, you come to Charlie's for the day. We can avoid the clan for the day. I can drive you back tomorrow. Charlie's already at work." I tried to purr provocatively. I failed, ending up sounding completely absurd. The evening after Edward had tried to seduce me in the meadow, and hours of suggestive kissing, I had changed my mind. Unfortunately for me, so had Edward.

"Ah, Bella. How I wish it were that simple. Being around you is not safe. Not today. Please, turn around. Go home. I'm begging you, love." He sounded utterly defeated as he heard my truck's engine slow.

"Sorry. Gasoline is too expensive and someone once told me that the wasting of finite resources is everyone's business."

"Why must you remember everything I say?" He asked me as he walked out onto the expansive porch. I hopped from the truck and jogged into him open arms.

"Because you're my everything." I said as I stretched up onto the tips of my toes to kiss him. He kissed me hard, or as hard as he really could under his strict rules. There was an odd edge to the way he kissed me. It reminded me of the kisses I'd received when I was in emanate danger. Then again, according to Edward, I was.

"You asked for this." He muttered as we walked into the house arm in arm. I noticed something different immediately. A breeze. I turned around, though I was sure I'd heard Edward shut the door. He looked down into my eyes from a moment, then chuckled and pointed across the room. A Jasper-sized hole had been punched through the glass on the south wall, and a very peeved looking Jasper marched though it.

"EMMETT!" He roared, stomping loudly up the stairs. I realized that he was marching in such a way as to frighten Emmett, not to just charge him.

"Could we halt the pranks for a moment, please?" Edward said a little louder than usual. This was probably so that he could be heard over the ruckus that was occurring on the second floor landing. "I'd like to speak to everyone for a moment."

Carlisle appeared first, poking his head around the kitchen door. He glanced shiftily around the room for a moment before emerging, hugging the wall as he shuffled toward us. His expression was not one of fear, but of alertness and excitement. Alice appeared seconds later, vibrating like a tuning fork when she skidded to a halt in front of us.

Edward's arm tightened reflexively around me when we heard Emmett's booming laughter echo from  
somewhere upstairs. Esme whirled quickly down the steps, holding out her arms.

"I would suggest moving. Quickly." Her voice was strained. A deafening clatter rang out upstairs, followed by the thundering sound of something sliding down the stairs. Rosalie flew past us, missing me my inches. The bright green sled beneath her scraped against the polished wood floor as she blew past. Her elegant white arm shot out, hooking around Esme's leg. At first, I feared that Esme would be taken by the speed. Instead, I watched as Rosalie's arm acted as a tether. The sled whirled in a circle around Esme's legs before slowly decelerating. When the spinning had stopped, the shrieking started.

"WHO'S BRILLIANT IDEA WAS THIS?" She stormed. "Emmett, I swear, if this was you, you'll regret it. You'll regret it for the next two weeks!"

Emmett appeared in a flash of hulking white. "It wasn't me! It wasn't me! Please! Not two weeks! You know I wouldn't do this! Please!" He fell to his knees beside her. She still sat in the sled, apparently super glued to the spot. I watched as she tried to lift her legs, only to have to sled lift along with them.

"Get. Me. New. Pants." She snarled at him. He disappeared up the staircase, narrowly missing Jasper, who was now covered in a suspicious purple substance. I didn't need his emotional ESP to know he was angry. He glared around the room, watching his family with wariness and distaste. When Emmett returned, Edward cleared his throat.

"I would like to set a couple of ground rules." He raised a long white hand to stifle Emmett's protest. "I'd like to remind everyone that Bella is human. She therefore would not survive a trip through the glass or a ride down the stairs on a sled. His eye's flickered to Esme when he mentioned the sled, and Rosalie didn't miss it. She placed her hands on the floor and scooted herself away from her traitorous mother, who was now smiling down at her sheepishly.

"If you feel the need to play any pranks on Bella, I ask that you please avoid anything that involves physical comedy. It would be greatly appreciated." The last line sounded less like 'It would be greatly appreciated' and more like 'if you appreciate all of your limbs, you won't oppose me'. "Do I have everyone's word?"

They all nodded quickly before disappearing again, with exception to Emmett and Rosalie. Emmett had shifted to block our view of Rosalie as she changed. I felt Edward cringe beside me, and I looked into his ocher eyes. He looked at me for a moment before turning towards Emmett.

"Could you please at least try to keep your thoughts PG-rated, or at least somewhere below NC-17?" He groaned. "She's my sister for God's sake. I don't need to see that."

A wicked grin spread across his face, and he shut his eyes. He looked as if he was concentrating as hard as he could, or that he was severely constipated. Since I knew it could not have been the latter, I watched him, unknowing. He whispered something to Rosalie, and the same look sprang to her face. I looked back to Edward and blushed a violent red. The look in his eye was of hunger. But it was not the hunger that should bring fear to my heart. It was the kind that sent the right kind of shivers down my spine. He shook his head suddenly.

"La la la la la la la la. I can not hear you." He scooped me into his arms and sprinted up the stairs with blinding speed. The door kicked closed behind us, and he set me down on the floor quickly. "Stay." He commanded. I tried to be as statue-still as he could be, to little avail.

He moved around the room, whistling past me as he checked for every booby-trap possible. When he was satisfied that nothing would come crashing from the ceiling or zinging from the closet, he lifted me again and deposited me on the bed. The comforter made an odd squelching sound when I settled into it, and I instantly felt the wetness seep through my clothes.

"Edward." I groaned. I grabbed to corner of the comforter and made a show of wringing it out. He eyes flashed with amusement and annoyance.

"So the games begin." He murmured to himself. "Would you mind sitting here while I do a little reconnaissance work on who exactly it was that popped my waterbed?"

"No, I don't mind." I giggled to myself. " Boy am I glad I came over. I wouldn't want to miss this for the world."

"You say that now, love. But this is only the tip of the iceberg. It is barely sun-up." He glanced out the window at the stray rays of sunlight that had broken through the clouds.

"So, what were Emmett and Rosalie thinking a second ago?"

"You're going to be embarrassed." He told me.

"It's alright. Just tell me."

"Are you sure?"

"Edward."

"Alright, fine. Emmett was thinking about what it would be like for me to have sex with you."

"And Rosalie?"

"Do you remember being at a dress fitting about a week ago?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Do you remember stripping down in front of Alice and Rosalie?"

I blushed violently. "NOT COOL GUYS. NOT COOL!" I shouted down the stairs at them. I heard a chorus of laughter from the first floor, and growled.

"I told you you didn't want to know." he smiled. He kissed me deeply for a moment, then ghosted into the hallway.

Seconds after Edward had exited, Alice danced lithely into the room. I shied away. If any of the Cullens were planning to play a prank on me, it would be Alice or Emmett. She seemed giddy at my reaction, patting my head reassuringly.

"No need to fret, Bella dearest, I hate today. I think the pranks are childish and barbaric. Everyone else seems to love it, though. Outsmarting other people with underhanded ploys is beneath me. Besides, I see everything that's coming anyways." She giggled, tapping her temple.

"So what do you do all day while they plot?"

"It depends. Sometimes I hunt. That's harder to get away with when Jasper is less involved than he is this year. Usually, he won't let me hunt alone. Other times, I chat online with random strangers. Sometimes I smuggle the TV up to my room and watch reruns of The Real World on TiVo. It all depends on what I see beforehand. OOH! Since you don't want to be a part of it either, we could go shopping!"

"No, Alice. No shopping. The threat of the seventh circle of hell could not get me to go shopping with you." Her face fell as I said the words.

"Well fine. If that's how it is…" She stalked out of the room before finishing her sentence.

Aw. Crap. "Alice? Alice, I'm sorry!" I called after her. When she didn't return, I walked into the hallway to find her and apologize. What I did not expect was what awaited me on the other side of the door.

A bucket full of a yellowy beige slime splashed across the left side of my body. I saw Alice's inky black hair streak past me toward the stair case, and I reached out futilely to grab her. I raced down the stairs behind her, trying to be as careful and swift as I could. I watched my feet intently as to not slip and give Edward a reason to kill Alice. That's probably why I didn't see Jasper until it was too late.

"NOW!" Alice screamed from somewhere on the first floor. I stopped, confused by her command. My momentary confusion gave Jasper the perfect opportunity. He lifted a cardboard box from behind the doorframe to his and Alice's room and dumped it on me. Before my mind could even register what had happened. I was covered in a nice coating of glue and feathers.

"ALICE!" I bellowed. "I AM ABOSLUTELY POSITIVELY GOING TO KI-…AM GOING TO HAVE EDWARD KILL YOU!!" I heard her giggle from the first floor, and I pivoted on my heel to face Jasper. "AND YOU! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" I saw the look in his eye, and knew what was coming next.

"DON'T YOU DARE TRY AND MAKE ME HAPPY!! YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!" I shouted as I marched back up the stairs to Edward's room. I found him seated on the sofa, stifling his laughter when I walked in.

"Oh, so this is funny?" I arched an eyebrow at him. He rose from the couch and gathered me into his arms before settling back on the couch.

"As a matter of fact, I think this is hilarious." He said as he leaned in for a kiss. I turned my face away, he kiss landing on my cheek. I had meant to deter him, but instead had facilitated something else. I warred with myself on whether to stop and yell at him some more, or let the yelling wait until later. One thing was for sure. There would be some yelling.

My less moral self won in the end, and Edward and I focused on nothing other than each other for the next half an hour. We may have stayed longer if Edward's hand had not become completely entangled in my gluey hair. We got to spend the next hour after that trying to wash the glue out of my hair while trying to keep my feathery clothes dry. When I felt that I sufficient amount of glue had been removed, we ventured back to the couch and plotted our retaliation.

"Alice will pay." I growled the best I could.

"Damn right she will. No one makes my Bella look like poultry." Edward said, grinning.

"And Jasper too. He was half of the problem."

"Absolutely."

"So, my immortal, ingenious, impossibly beautiful love, what is our plan of attack?"

He rolled his eyes. "Well, my clumsy, spastic and insanely gorgeous fiancé, I believe that we should focus on only one of the two. You see, an unhappy Alice makes for an unhappy Jasper."

"Ah, I knew there was a reason I loved you." I kissed the place behind his ear that sent chills down my spine when he did it to me. I suspected that the chills would not be as powerful on him, seeing as he was already operating on a body temperature of around 32 degrees. Nevertheless, he shivered.

"Bella, I thought you wanted to attack _**Alice**_, not me." He chuckled. He captured my face in his hands and kissed me passionately. I felt my cheeks warm under his hands, and he kissed me harder in response. I luxuriated in the moment, though it ended too soon. A knock on the door ended things much sooner that I had hoped.

"What are you kids doing in there?" I heard Emmett's voice from the hallway.

"Nothing that doesn't need interrupting. Come on in." Edward said quietly. I scowled at him, sliding off of his lap. He walked over to his bedside table and knelt gracefully, rifling through the drawer. "Ah ha!" His arm extended outward, showing a patching kit for the bed.

"Bella? Would you do me a favor?" His velvet voice asked.

"Anything."

"Would you find the hole in the mattress? I believe that it will only be pin-sized, so it will be rather difficult for you to find. I would help, but I need to go repay Rosalie for her trickery."

"Hey, hold it right there brother. You'd better not break our bed in any way, or I won't hesitate to flatten you." Emmett growled at him.

"No worries." Edward grinned my favorite crooked grin, then appeared in front of me at vampire speed, kissed me, and disappeared before I could bat an eye. Frowning, I marched over to the bed and began pulling the sopping sheets off and unzipping the soggy cover. All of the fabric must have weighed a ton. I tried to shift it across the bed, but it was just too heavy for my human strength.

"Uh, Emmett? A little help?"

He laughed boisterously, then flicked the soaked fabric back. Stupid vampires with their stupid super strength. I pondered the best way to find the hole that would keep me the driest. I realized that I was already soaked anyway, and just went for the easiest plan. I flung myself onto the center of the water mattress and rolled around, looking for a spout of water as my clue. But I encountered a problem. I was not heavy enough to make the water shoot out. I tried standing and bouncing, but that didn't work either. I did, however succeed in covering the hysterical Emmett in water from all of my splashing.

"Hey, could you jump up here too? It'd be way easier to find this hole if I had some extra power up here." I asked him.

"Aw, the poor human needs help again? OK." He hopped onto the bed and patted the top of my head. I scowled at him.

"Hilarious. Those jokes never get old, you know."

"You know I was only kidding Bells." He grinned goofily at me as he bounced.

"You know what will be funny? When Edward finally gets over this whole stupid 'It steals your soul' phase and changes me, I am totally going to be able to kick your butt. Now jump harder. I still can't see anything."

A wicked grin spread across Emmett's face for the second time today, and he crouched low. Then, with all of his superhuman might, he sprang towards the ceiling. He unfurled in mid-air, and connected with the mattress with a loud THWACK noise. The force of his landing catapulted me off of the bed and sent me spinning across the room to connect with the floor on the opposite side of the room.

Just before my face would have connected with the carpeting, I felt something grab a hold of the waistband of my jeans and the back of my tee shirt, saving me from a broken nose and a painful landing.

"EMMETT!!" I screamed. He set me gently onto the carpet, and I flipped over and stood as quickly as I could. I swung my arm around, hitting his shoulder will all my might. Luckily, he dodged out of the way fast enough that only my middle finger broke on impact.

"SHIT! Bella? Are you OK? Oh shit. Edward is going to kill me. CARLISLE!" He sprinted to the door to call for his father, then re-materialized by my side, cradling my hand in his. "Oh shit oh shit oh shit."

"Emmett, what seems to be the problem?" Carlisle's voice sounded from the doorway.

"Bella hit me."

"I'd suggest you disappear for a little while Emmett. Edward is going to be furious."

"Furious about what?" Edward had returned, and for some odd reason was holding a wrench. That could not be good.

"Edward, I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry."

"You didn't mean to what?" He said, appearing at my side, already glowering at him.

"It's my fault. I hit him." I mumbled, staring at the carpet and cradling my hand.

"Let me see your hand Bella." Carlisle's cold fingers probed the hand gingerly. I cringed. Edward's fingers caught under my chin, forcing me to look at him.

"What did he do, love?"

"We were trying to find the hole in the mattress, and he accidentally bounced me off the bed. I got mad, and I tried to hit him." I said, waiting for the fury. Instead, Edward began laughing hysterically. Carlisle reached into his bag and pulled out a finger splint.

"If you want this to be healed by the wedding, you're going to have to be very, very careful. And no more punching vampires." Carlisle told me before he left. Edward turned to face Emmett, and a grin twisted to his beatific face.

"You get to tell Alice."

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**Sorry about the cliffhanger. I'm already plotting poor Emmett cowering in fear of little Alice. Teehee. **

**Review?**


	2. A Stink Bomb And A Kidnapping

A/N- Well, I hope you're all happy

**A/N- Well, I hope you're all happy. I typed this so fast, my fingers hurt. I hope you like it. I'm just kidding. Thanks for all the reviews! I posted the story and had 8 reviews in 3 hours! So, I figured I'd reward you.**

**DISCLAIMER- **

**Me- Haha! I finally got Twilight. **

**-Stephenie Meyer shanks me in the kidney and steal Twilight back-**

**Me- DAMN IT! Anyone have a pint of O-?**

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_"If you want this to be healed by the wedding, you're going to have to be very, very careful. And no more punching vampires." Carlisle told me before he left. Edward turned to face Emmett, and a grin twisted to his beatific face._

_You get to tell Alice_.

"WHAT? No! Please. I'm sorry! Don't make me tell Alice." Emmett begged.

"Too late." Edward murmured, seeing Alice's vision.

"WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!" Alice bellowed as she kicked the door open. The door spun off its hinges and spiraled onto the bed with a splash. "WHY DO I SEE BELLA'S FINGER IN A SPLINT IN HER WEDDING PICTURES?" Her eyes glinted a flat black color as she glanced at my hand, then to Edward. Edward's long finger shot out in Emmett's direction. An enraged squeal ripped from inside Alice as she charged at Emmett, sending him careening though the plate glass window in Edward's room.

"Oh my god Alice! It's just a finger!" I said, running over to the hole in the glass. Emmett was three stories down, lying on his back in the grass. "Are you alright?" I called down to him. His laughter echoed around the forest beside him.

"Just fine, Bella. Now you might want to take a step back from the window. I don't think you would fair the fall as well as I did." Grumbling, I stepped back from the window.

"Alice." Carlisle said quietly, as if he were talking to an angry bear. "Bella should be alright by the time her wedding rolls around. There's no need to worry."

Jasper appeared in the doorway and immediately sent calming waves through the room. "Come on Alice. Let's go plan on a way to get him back." He said soothingly. Alice stalked from the room, and Jasper followed after shooting us a sheepish look of apology. Carlisle shot from the room like a bullet, apparently needing to return to his scheming.

"Well, that was interesting. How's your hand?" He asked me, taking it between his again.

"It hurts a little bit." I admitted. Actually, it hurt a lot more than a little bit, but I didn't feel like giving Emmett any more ammunition in his "Bella, the human sideshow" act. Edward released me quickly, then darted to the bathroom. He returned before I could blink with a glass of water and two Advil. I downed the pills quickly, then settled back onto the sofa.

"So, an unhappy Alice…" I brainstormed. "Burning her clothes?"

"Did you see what just happened to Emmett?" Edward looked at me like I had sprouted a horn.

"Hmm." I guess you're right." I sighed. "What else could we do? Cancel her credit cards?"

"No, I think you were on the right track with the wardrobe idea." He told me, then dipped his head to kiss my collar bone. I giggled quietly, wrapping my unbroken fingers into his bronze hair. He sat up, then gently pushed me backwards until I was laying on the couch, and he hovered over me. He pressed his cold lips to mine, a smile curling them. I slid my hand to the hem of his shirt, slipping my fingers underneath.

Somehow, I managed to distract him enough for him to allow me to remove his shirt. My fingers ran up the pale skin of his chest, and he shuddered in response. He let his hands wander, and they ended up under my shirt. My breath caught. Was he re-thinking his rules? Foolishly, I decided to test him. My fingers reached for his belt buckle, only to be caught in his cold grasp.

"Tsk tsk Ms. Swan. You know the policy." He murmured against my lips. I lifted my head and connected our mouths again, only to be interrupted by a voice, Rosalie's voice, echoing from the hallway.

"So I was thinking of a way to get Esme back, and I'd like your hel-OH MY GOD! MY EYES! MY EYES!" Emmett was suddenly behind her, troubled by her screaming. Too horrified to move, I sat frozen. My hands were still latched around Edward's belt buckle, and I watched Emmett's eyes travel there. I felt my face morph into a violent shade of red, my skin felt like an inferno.

"Alright Ed!" Emmett walked unabashed into the room and clapped Edward on his bare back. He bent down so that he was face to face with us and grinned. "It's about damn time!"

He turned and grabbed Rosalie, who still stood in the doorway, utterly mortified. "Er…I guess we'll just give you some privacy then…" She trailed off. I saw Emmett shoot Edward a big thumbs up before chasing Rosalie down the hall.

"Well, I know one thing we'll be doing to Alice." I muttered.

"Oh yeah? And what's that?" Edward asked, scooping his shirt of the floor and pulling it back over his head. I sat up, pulling my shirt back down.

"Ripping her door off of its damn hinges."

Edward laughed loudly, then grabbed the wrench he'd been carrying earlier. "Your wish is my command."

He disappeared down the stairs, and a sound that reminded me very much of wood splintering came from the second floor landing. I watched as Edward sprinted back up the stairs with half of a bedroom door in his hand.

"Nice work, Mr. Cullen." I saluted him as he passed by to peck me on the cheek. "But why'd you bring the wrench?"

"Well, I didn't intent to have to rip the door in half. I really only wanted to remove it from it's hinges, but I heard Alice coming, and I had to make a decision on whether to just scrap the plan, or to wing it. Hence the half-a-door we've got now." He grinned my favorite crooked grin, then heaved the piece of the door out the hole in the window and into the woods.

"So, before out little...uhmm…mishap, you mentioned something about striking Alice's wardrobe. Care to elaborate?"

"Ah, yes. I was thinking, maybe instead of burning the clothes, we could hide them somewhere. We'd have to put them in a different closet, so when she gets her vision, she won't suspect anything. But, she's seen all of the closets in this house enough to know if they were hidden here. I was thinking maybe Charlie's? She's never seen the inside of his closet, has she?"

"No, not that I know of. But I'd be wary to go into Charlie's closet at all. It smells like dirty shoes in there."

A new light crackled behind Edward's topaz eyes. "Bella, love, you are an absolute genius." He pulled me quickly off the couch, then ran to his bedside table and rooted around in the drawer.

"Oh, I know." I joked. "But why am I so fantastic this time?"

"We're not going to move her clothes to a stinky closet." He said.

"Well, that was cryptic and annoying." I grumbled.

"I'm sorry. What I meant," He said, returning to me with a small green ball with a wick sprouting from the top. "Is that we will not be bringing her clothes to a smelly closet. We're bringing the smelly closet to her."

"BRILLIANT!" I snatched the stink bomb from his hand and ran to the hallway. I felt his hand snake around my arm, dragging me back.

"Bella, the objective is to be stealthy. If you go charging in with a lit stink bomb, it might raise a few red flags. We need a diversion."

"I like the way you think, Eddie."

"We need to find Emmett and Rose." He said. I whirled to the doorway. "Oh, and Bella?"

"Yeah?"

His eyes darkened for a moment. "Never call me Eddie again."

I flashed my brightest grin, then disappeared down the stairs to Emmett and Rosalie's doorway. I lifted my hand to knock when I felt a presence behind me. But before I could turn, I felt a rag cover my face, and everything went dark.

* * *

I lifted my head, rolling my stiff neck. I blinked, but saw nothing in the complete and utter darkness. I heard two sharp claps, and a single, bare lightbulb flickered to life above my head. I looked around, realizing instantly where I was. The cavernous stall that was Alice's shower was now my prison. I squinted in the harsh light, trying to see who it was that ghosted around on the opposite side of the privacy glass. I only was only confused for a moment, for the glass wall of the shower suddenly slammed back in its tracks, vibrating so hard, I was sure it was going to break. In front of me stood a snarling Alice.

"Bella Swan. I always thought we were friends. Now I see you knocking on Rosalie's door? ROSALIE? Of all people, you chose her? HOW DARE YOU?" She pinched her lips together, and her expression twisted. Suddenly, she exploded with laughter. "OH MY GOD! Did you see that Jasper? The look of pure terror on her face? Priceless."

"I didn't really have to see it, dear." Jasper told her. "So, what's the plan now?"

"I think we're going to just keep her in here for a little while. You know, make Edward squirm a little." Alice replied, cackling in her musical voice. "And now, I think Miss Swan here needs a nap."

As I felt a wave of lethargy wash over me, I could have sworn I'd heard Jasper mutter "What the hell is that smell."

* * *

The next time I woke up, I found myself in a room I'd never seen before. The cinderblock walls made me think of a basement, but I'd never seen a staircase leading downward. While I pondered my whereabouts, I felt two cold hands untying me from the dining room chair Alice and Jasper had restrained me into.

"Edward?"

A quiet chuckle from behind me had me scratching my head for a moment. Then it dawned on me.

"Carlisle?"

"Yes, Bella. It's me." Carlisle's voice floated over my shoulder.

"Great! Thank god! At least _you'll_ let me go." I sighed in relief.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but I can't let you go." He said quietly.

"You…you…what?"

"I can't let you go."

"But…Carlisle…why?" I tried to play the sympathy card. If I sounded pathetic enough, he'd let me go, right?

"I need Edward's on my team, and I believe that the only way to gain his allegiance is to kidnap the only thing that really matters to him. I'm sorry, but I'll need you to play hostage for a little while. Is that going to be a problem?" He asked sweetly.

"It's not like I have another choice." I grumbled.

"No, I guess that's true." He laughed. "Now I need you to do me a favor. I am going to leave, and then I need for you to yell Edward's name as loud as you can. The more terror you put into your voice, the faster we can get this over with, OK?"

"Fine." I pouted. I sat in silence for a moment, contemplating the request. Carlisle's blonde head popped around the corner.

"Any time now, Bella." He said, impatiently.

I shot him the meanest glare I could muster, then filled my lungs to capacity.

"EDWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!" I screamed. I have to admit, I was rather proud of myself. If I hadn't known any better, I'd have thought that I was being murdered. The sound echoed bombastically around the house, and almost immediately, a thunderous banging rocked a door somewhere nearby in it's frame.

"CARLISLE!! YOU GIVE BELLA BACK RIGHT NOW!!" I heard Edward roar through the doorway. I shrugged out of the rest of my restraints and ran to the wall Carlisle had disappeared behind. I slapped my hands against the wall, screaming in pain when my broken finger connected with the cement.

"Bella?! Can you hear me?! Yell again for me!" Edward shouted to me.

"Don't bother, son. She's locked up tight until I decided to let her go. And my decision rests completely on your decision."

"What decision?" Edward snapped. He was closer to me now, closer to my cinderblock prison. I screamed again, with all of my might. The sound hurt my ears when it bounced around the room, but I got the job done. I could hear shuffling on the opposite side of the wall.

"What is it that you want, Carlisle?" Edward's growl was muffled by the wall.

"An alliance. I want you to promise that you will A) Not play any pranks on me, and B) Assist me in any pranks I decide to play."

"You fight dirty, father. Very dirty. But I'm in. Now where is Bella?" Edward agreed.

"Very well." I could hear the smile in Carlisle's voice as he approached the wall. With a grinding sound, the wall swiveled, revealing Carlisle's study. I launched myself into the room and into Edward's open arms. He nuzzled my hair and muttered words that I'm sure he didn't mean for me to hear.

"I will call you when I need you son." Carlisle shooed us from the office.

"Come on, we'd better hurry. Alice's closet reeks, and she's on a warpath. Jasper can't even calm her down." Edward scooped me into his arms and toted me up the stairs.

"Actually, Edward, I'm kind of hungry."

Rosalie appeared in the doorway at that very moment. "I'll take her Edward. I need to get supplies anyway."

Edward scoffed loudly at her. "What, do you think I've gone completely insane? You'll just leave her on the side of the road somewhere."

"Go ahead and look through my brain, Edward. There's nothing there." She snarled. I tried to suppress the smile than threatened to overtake my face. "Oh, shut up. You know what I meant."

Edward stood still for a moment, rooting around in Rosalie's mind. "Fine. I need this time to get back at Carlisle anyway."

"OK. We'll be back soon." She lifted me and sprinted down the stairs, then let my feet settle to the ground once we'd gotten outside. "Sorry for carrying you, but your slow walking makes you a target."

"'S OK." I mumbled, trailing behind her to the garage. I was staring at the grass, which is probably why I didn't see her stop. I slammed into her back, hard. She didn't even seem to notice. Then a sound that shook the Earth to its very core exploded from her chest.

"WHAT THE-…OH MY-…EDWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!!"

* * *

**I hope you like this one as much as the first. Next chapter will have some more Emmett, some Edward x Carlisle revenge, and maybe even a little Esme? **

**I guess you'll just have to wait and see.**

**Oh, I'm thinking I might need to tone down the crazy on Alice…Any thoughts? **

**REVIEW?**


	3. A McDonalds Breakfast

A/N I started to write this chapter, but I got distracted A/N I started to write this chapter, but I got distracted. By the sound of a moving van. A moving van that ripped one of my mirrors off of my car. Fan-fucking-tastic

**DISCLAIMER- Stephenie Meyer, the author of Twilight, has inspired my work not only here, but in the long run. These characters do not belong to me, but they have taught me about the writer that I aspire to be. **

**Wow. Sappy much?**

**Anyways, let's keep on trucking, shall we?**

"'_S OK." I mumbled, trailing behind her to the garage. I was staring at the grass, which is probably why I didn't see her stop. I slammed into her back, hard. She didn't even seem to notice. Then a sound that shook the Earth to its very core exploded from her chest._

"_WHAT THE-…OH MY-…EDWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!!"_

I flinched, covering my ears with my palms while she bellowed. When I looked up, I could immediately see the cause of her ire. Sitting on the lawn in front of the garage was a vehicle. The mutant child of Rosalie's M3, Emmett's Jeep, and Alice's Porche towered before us. Emmett's tires held the twisted, multicolored heap almost five feet off of the ground. The hood of Alice's Porche was bolted over the engine of the M3, and the once red doors had been replaced with the hatches from the Jeep. The convertible top was down, and from the ground I could see that the seat inside the M3 had been changed. They were the same bright yellow color as Alice's seats, and they flaunted themselves from inside the cab.

Rosalie screamed a volley of curse words into the air that could have made a sailor blush. Then, she stood completely still for almost an entire minute. Not breathing. Not blinking. Not even a finger twitched.

So, when she began screeching again, I catapulted into the air and landed hard on my butt in the grass in shock. She marched over to the unscathed Volvo and bent down. I heard a terrifying metallic screech, and the Volvo shudder. If I had blinked, I would have missed what happened.

Rosalie stood, tire in hand, spun twice to build momentum, then sent the tire careening through the window of the third floor. She marched back to the Volvo, tore off a second tire, and launched it a mile into the woods. The next tire met the same fate, and the last one was literally ripped in half in her fury.

"EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN, YOU RAT BASTARD!! GET OUT HERE AND PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MAKER!!"

Edward appeared at my side in an instant, pulling me behind his body in protection. Rosalie turned to face him, and the look on her face sent a shiver of terror down my spine. She glare she was shooting Edward was almost identical to the one that Victoria had given me that fateful day in the clearing. Edward, however, appeared completely calm. In fact, a small smile played at the corners of his lips.

"Yes, Rose?"

"DON'T YOU 'YES ROSE' ME!! I KNOW IT WAS YOU!!" she roared. Her eyes were black as night, and broiled like the sky in a storm.

"A popped bed isn't so funny now, is it?" He chuckled darkly.

"Maybe not. But, do you want to know what is?" She asked, a wicked smile pulled at her features. "EMMETT!! ALICE!! COME AND SEE WHAT EDWARD HAS DONE!!"

Emmett rounded the side of the house a moment later, looking perplexed. I felt a cold hand shuffle me quickly to the side, and Edward was gone. The sound of two boulders colliding assaulted my eardrums as Emmett plowed into Edward with every once of power that he held. I watched as Emmett pinned Edward into the dirt, lifting his fist to punch him. Edward shimmied out of the way, narrowly missing Emmett's fist. I watched as the punch sunk a foot into ground, capturing Emmett's hand.

I suddenly felt myself being hoisted onto someone's back, and we shot into the forest. I felt Edward shake with laugher beneath me as we reached the edge of the forest near town.

"Still hungry?" He flashed me his perfectly crooked grin as my feet settled to the ground. I blinked at him.

"Alright, McDonalds it is then." He laughed. The bright red building had a large playplace encased in glass that was visible from the road. He ordered my food, then scrawled his plans on a napkin while I ate.

"So, I hope you don't plan on going home today, because I'm pretty sure that they're going to kill you." I said conversationally as I munched on a piece of hashbrown. **(A/N- McDonald's breakfast. Yummm. And, this means it's before 10:30am, if anyone was wondering)**

"There's nothing to worry about Bella. I can protect us. And if there really is any concern, we can always spend the say in Forks. They can't do anything here. It's strictly for-" He halted mid-sentence. His eyes flashed to the window behind me, then back to my face. He muttered a low oath, then rose quickly, latching onto my hand.

"Edward? What's going on?" His sudden mood change was scaring me.

"They're coming."

"Who's coming? What did you hear? Are you sure that they're not just coming for supplies?"

"Well, I would have thought that, but Emmett happened to let 'We're coming for you Edward' slip." He told me. I hadn't realized before, but he was dragging me towards the play structure inside the glass room. "I need you to hide yourself. Hopefully, they will only come and get me. I need you to stay in the playplace until I come to find you, or I send someone to get you. Can you do that?"

"Yes."

"Good. I love you, Bella." He kissed me quickly, then turned to leave.

"Wait! Edward! Who can I trust to come get me?" I called to his back. He paused for a moment, then replied.

"Only come willingly if someone tells you that the lion sent them." He grinned. "Goodbye."

"Good luck. I love you!" I called to him as the door closed between us. As soon as I could no longer see him, I sprinted to the play equipment. I tore through the tunnels, narrowly missing the six year olds in my path. I finally wormed my way to the top of the structure, peering out the bubble window that showed me the outside window.

I heard them before I saw them. The roar of Rosalie's engine under Alice's hood could be heard easily from the road as the mutant car screeched to a halt in front of the restaurant. I watched in horror as Alice and Rosalie slid from the front seats and Emmett hopped over the side of the demented vehicle, landing lithely on his feet. I saw Alice latch on to Emmett's arm, dragging him back from the building. She inclined her head toward the window, and a trickle of fear shot up my spine.

Her tiny finger was extended, and it was aimed directly at me.

I saw an enormous, sinister smile spread across Emmett's face, and he waved at me. Knowing that I was caught, I waved back sheepishly and began praying that Edward would get me before they did. Rosalie and Alice sprinted as quickly as they could at human speed towards the woods across the street. Emmett, however, seemed to be whistling to himself as he strolled towards the building.

Though I knew Emmett wouldn't hurt me, (or at least I sincerely hoped) I couldn't help the panic that was spreading through me. The moment reminded me of a part of a horror movie, when the murderer knows that he's got you right where he wants you, and there's nothing you can do about it.

My heart raced as I tried to find a new hiding place in the playplace, one Emmett hadn't seen me in. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, a little voice was laughing at me. I was trying to run away from a vampire that knew the exact smell of my blood. Escaping Emmett was almost unthinkable. And even if I somehow did flee Emmett's snare, Alice and Rosalie would surely nab me as soon as I set foot into the outside world.

I thought about just giving myself up, surrendering willingly. But then I heard the echo of Edward's voice I my mind, and I knew I had to make a stand. Of course, my resolve wavered a little when I heard the door close gently, and Emmett's booming laughter reverberated around the room.

"Bella? Oh Bella? Where are you?" He called in a deep, sing-song voice. I held my breath, though I was sure he could hear my hammering heart. What was once a blessing for Edward was now an enormous curse. "Aw, come on Bella. We can do this the easy way, or the hard way."

I leaned into the slide I was sitting next to, trying to throw my voice. "I choose the hard way."

I heard a chuckle that slowly ground into a deep, rumbling growl. Somehow, over the racket, I heard an audible sniffing noise. Knowing I only had seconds, I tore away from the slide and into a connecting tube. I made an unbelievable amount of noise, but I didn't care. He knew I was here, and he wasn't going to stop until he had me.

The slide that I had just emerged from shook now, and I could imagine Emmett's enormous frame slithering through the narrow tubes. I shot off down a different slide, whirling in a circular pattern until my feet touched the ground, and I stood up. The static shock that bounced between the slide and my legs made me yelp in surprise and pain. I clapped my hand over my mouth, and all was quiet for just a moment. A ghostly chuckle broke through the silence, and the green spiral slide shook.

Frozen for only a moment, I saw Emmett's feet make the last corner. With a frightened screech, I darted to the ball pit. The slimy orbs bounced around me, clacking noisily against each other and the walls. I had almost slipped through the narrow tube on the opposite side when I felt an iron grasp on the toe of my tennis shoe.

As a gut reaction, I screamed into the plastic filled pit. The sound was so loud that Emmett's sensitive hearing took a hit. He slammed his hands over his ears, releasing my shoe. As I flung myself into the next cavern, I threw a quick glance over my shoulder. And thank god I did.

With this quick glance, I was fortunate enough to watch Emmett become wedged into the pipe, his arms trapped against his sides. He tried turning himself, spinning in circles to try and liberate himself. He only managed to get himself farther into the tube, and was now hovering in the center of the pipe belly-up. He lolled his head back, his hair hanging down like he was upside-down. His grand, goofy grin spread across his face.

"Hey Bells! I found you!" He laughed. "Would you mind coming with me. This has been fun and all, but Rosalie said she'd punish me if I didn't bring you back, and not in the good way."

I cocked and eyebrow at him. "That depends. What are you going to do with me?"

"Alice won't tell me. She says I have 'diarrhea of the mouth', whatever that means."

"Well, then I'm going to have to decline on your offer Mr. Cullen." I smiled slyly.

"You're what? Aw, come on Bella, please? Don't run away. I'm stuck." He whined.

"Then it seems like I have the upper hand, doesn't it." I chuckled darkly. I leaned back, resting on my hands and crossing my ankles. "I think that you should be on my side. I mean, Edward and I come up with some ingenious plans. We're the one's that broke Jasper and Alice's door, and we put the stink bomb in the closet. And I'm sure that we'll have some great plans for Carlisle and Esme-"

"Uh, Bella?" He said quietly. I held up my hand.

"And Edward and I are thinking about throwing some lust at Jasper." I started winging it. "You and Rose could help. You have enough lust to drive anyone crazy-"

"Bella?" he sighed.

"Shush. I'm here, revealing my evil plots and you can't even shut your trap from one god da-" I stopped, feeling two iron hands wrap around my wrists. I was caught.

"Sonovabitch." I grumbled.

"I tried to warn you." Emmett mumbled.

"So, you were plotting against me, eh?" Alice's cold breath tickled my ear as she whispered. "Naughty Bella. You're definitely in trouble now." She growled. Emmett grinned bashfully.

"Oh my god Emmett. Get your mind out of the gutter." She rolled her eyes.

"Sorry. I couldn't help it. Now, could someone please get me out of this thing? I need to go find Rose, unless I'm going to be helping Bella with her plan."

"I'm back here, you buffoon." I heard her voice echo around the ball pit near his feet.

"Oh, hey baby! I found her! Did you get Edward?" He craned his neck, looking for her.

"No. He's too fast. Damn him and his superspeed." She snarled. She tugged hard on his feet, and both of them careened back into the stinky ball pit. I sat up to make sure they were all right, and found Emmett on top of Rosalie. They were both snickering.

"We might need one of these for our room." I heard him chuckle.

"Yeah, well, I hope you get one that isn't filled with balls that have been sneezed on my every five year old in Forks." I piped up. Rosalie squealed and heaved Emmett of her.

"Okay, I think it's about time we brought the human home. The day is still young, and having Bella might be the prefect leverage we need to get our cars put back together."

"You just wait. All of you just wait. This will NOT happen when I'm a vampire. And next year, I'll still be a newborn. I'll be even stronger than you Emmett! And you'll all pay."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let's get moving." Alice growled. They filed one by one through the ball pit and out the hole on the other side. Rosalie and Emmett waited with open hands on the other side as my foot caught on the lip of the pipe, sending my flying toward the foam-padded floor.

"I'm really going to miss that." Emmett chuckled as he caught me.

"Oh, don't you start too. I get enough of this crap from Edward." I muttered as Emmett wrapped his hand in an inescapable snare around my hand. He swung his arm back and forth giddily, trying to appear normal as he kidnapped me. I frowned and trailed behind, forcing him to drag me along.

"Come on Bells, I don't want to have to carry you, but I will if you don't stop being a pain." Emmett told me. I grimaced and ground my heels into the soft ground. He stopped, rolled his eyes and hoisted me into his arms.

"Wow. Are you always this stubborn?" Rosalie muttered behind me. I poked my head around Emmett's shoulder.

"As a matter of fact, I am."

"Well, I guess it's no wonder Edward's still a virgin." Emmett laughed. My face turned the color of fire as I crossed my arms. "I have to put you down to get you into the car."

"Fine." I snapped. He dumped me from his arms, my butt connecting with the sidewalk. The air whooshed from my lungs, and my tailbone stung. Emmett and Rosalie roared with laugher as Alice lifted me from the ground.

"OK, I know we're kidnapping her and everything, but we did promise not to let her get hurt." She scowled at Rosalie, who still chortled quietly.

"Aw, I'm sorry Bella. Are you OK?" Emmett asked. I could tell he meant it, so I decided to let him off the hook.

"It's alright. And just so you know, my offer still stands." I grinned at him as Alice snarled. She tossed me to Emmett, then climbed up the tire tread into the passenger side of the car. Rose swayed around to the other side and climbed into the driver's seat.

"Ready?" Emmett asked me.

"For what?"

He grinned hugely, then heaved me into the air. I landed gently on the seat. I was so stunned, I couldn't even make a coherent enough thought to scream. Emmett clambered into the back seat next to me.

"Hit it Rose." He said, and the tired screamed against the pavement. We rode in silence for half of the trip as I held on for dear life. Rosalie took corners even faster than Edward, lifting the tires of the monster vehicle off the ground. We flew through town, my eyes burning as the wind whipped my eyes.

"So, where exactly are we going to be hiding her?" Emmett yelled over the wind to Alice.

"Well, I was thinking-" She trailed off. I watched her eyes cloud over, and her mouth pop open. She was having a vision.

"ALICE? ALICE!? What do you see?" Rosalie screamed, no longer watching the road.

"Hello? Any one home?" Emmett called in her face.

"Gas." She murmured.

"Huh?" We all asked at the same time.

"GAS! HIT THE GAS!" She screamed. But it was too late.

AHH!! Cliffhanger. Again. Shocker, I know. Thanks for the reviews, guys! It's good to know that someone other than myself is getting something out of this. Lol.

And before you guys get cranky and turn on me, I know I said there would be some Carlisle vs. Edward stuff, and a little bit of Esme, but There's only so much I can get done in one day. Don't worry. Everyone will get what's deserved.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to pump out another chapter tomorrow. I've been neglecting some necessary schoolwork, and it's coming back to bite me in the ass this week. But I'll try my damndist for you.

I hope you enjoyed.

Review?

COMPLETELY RANDOM SONG SUGGESTIONS-

Say The Word-The Classic Crime

Infected-Rides Again

The Tide-The Spill Canvas

This has nothing to do with the story, but I just wanted to share a little of what I've been listening to. There's going to be one in each from now on, but I didn't put one in the other chapters, so you get three this time! Yay bonus!

Oh, and LaurenB, I'm going to try and work that into the story. Thanks for the suggestion.

Sorry this note is so long guys. I'm done rambling now, I promise.


	4. A Secret Stash And An Explosion

**A/N I hope this finds you all well**

**A/N I'm real sorry that I couldn't get a chapter out yesterday. I ended up having to work for 5 hours yesterday, (because my dad's girlfriend/ My boss is a FUCKING MORON, and she gave me directions that were supposed to be easy. Then she left off a 30-mile stretch of highway that I was supposed to travel.) and therefore had no time to write. But this one's a little longer, so I hope it makes up for it.**

**Oh, and also, I'd like to apologize for the fact that I seem to always forget to check what my work looks like before I post it. (Hence the reason the A/N at the end of my last chapter was not bolded and there were no dividers) Please, please, please be patient, I'm new. **

**But, anyways…**

* * *

"_Gas." She murmured. _

"_Huh?" We all asked at the same time. _

"_GAS! HIT THE GAS!" She screamed. But it was too late._

The petal mashed into the floor and the engine roared in protest. The tires screamed on the ground, laying rubber an inch thick on the pavement. But, instead of accelerating, we were coming to a grinding halt. I sat, completely oblivious to what was going on around me. Two cold iron arms wrapped around my waist, and I was extricated from the malformed vehicle.

Because I was still in complete and utter shock, Edward had to carry me like a baby as we blurred though the forest. He looked down at me and grinned widely.

"Hey."

"H…Hi" I stuttered, slowly coming out of my stupor.

"Sorry it took me so long. I had to get back to the house and check me room for any traps. We should be generally safe, unless Jasper struck while I was gone. Carlisle is on the defensive now, because he kidnapped you."

"And Esme?"

"She usually only acts in retaliation. She likes to stay out of it." We slowed to a trot as we entered the clearing near his house. The mutant automobile was nowhere to be seen.

"Relax, love. They're not back yet." He soothed. He carried me gently up to his room and settled me on the couch, then wandered into the bathroom for something.

"So, Edward," I called. "If Esme only acts in retaliation, what exactly did Rosalie do?"

"She superglued every pot to the kitchen counter, every spoon into the drawer, every cupboard closed. Nothing in the kitchen will move. We're going to have to tear everything out an replace it."

I thought about the black granite countertop and the stainless steel dishwasher and shuttered. The countertop would be at least 16,000 to replace, and no one even batted an eye. The only punishment was a ride down the stairs in a sled.

"What are we going to do about Carlisle?" I asked when he returned.

"I was thinking about a bonfire." He told me.

"Uhmm…OK?" You're going to have to remember that I can't read your mind."

"Sorry, love. What I meant was 'I think Carlisle's library would make an excellent bonfire'."

"Oh, are you sure? How angry would he be?"

"Bella, He kidnapped you."

"I know, but burning his library? Isn't that a little extreme?"

"All's fair in love and war. You are my love, and therefore, this is war." He grinned. "And besides, we can buy him the same books."

"Alright, if you say so." I was still apprehensive.

"Do you have any suggestions for Rosalie?"

I pondered a moment. What could I do to completely repulse Rosalie? My mind wandered to the pranks she had already played, and something in the kitchen dawned on me. I had seen a can of Spam in the cupboard about a week ago while Edward was cooking for me.

"Ah ha!"

"Yes, what is it?"

"Spam."

"Bella, you must also remember that _I_ can not read _your_ mind."

"Have you ever seen the pair of red, high heeled boots that she has?"

"Yes. What about them."

"Well, I was thinking. How disgusting do you think they would be if we filled them with Spam?"

A gleaming smile lit his face. "How diabolical of you. Wait here." He sprinted from the room in a white blur, only to return a moment later with the boots. He handed them to me.

"I'm going to have to rip the cabinet from the wall to get the Spam out, but I should be back momentarily." He promised before darting from the room again. I took a moment to observe the shoes in my hands. The label in the sole read Jimmy Choo. Even with my complete lack of fashion knowledge, I knew that these boots had to have cost a minimum of 1,000.

The supple leather stretched impossibly high. I stretched my leg out and laid the boot next to my leg. They came almost all the way up to my hip, which meant that they were probably only thigh high on Rosalie's impossibly long legs.

Edward returned as I was zipping my leg into the shoe. A frown spread across his face.

"You don't like it?" I blushed, reaching for the zipper again.

"No, I do like it. Very much so."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Well, there are a couple of issues I see with those boots. First of all, I am sincerely trying to preserve your virtue, and you testing my restraint is not helping the situation." He told me. I looked down at my leather-clad feet bashfully. "And secondly, you need to remember that this isn't the first time I've seen those boots have that effect on a man."

"Huh?"

"Aw, please don't make me spell it out for you Bella." He groaned.

"Whatever do you mean Edward?" I toyed with him, watching him squirm. I figured he'd just let the subject drop, that he'd be too gentlemanly to tell me. I was wrong.

"Rosalie wears those boots when they have sex, Bella. Is that what you wanted to hear? Oh, and you'd better not ever let Emmett catch you in those, or he may be seeing you naked before I do."

I blushed violently and stood up. For some unknown reason, rather than tearing the boots off like they were on fire, I walked towards Edward. I managed to make it all the way to Edward's arms without tripping. With my moxie fully intact, I looped my leg around Edwards hip and latched my arms around his neck.

"Miss Swan, what exactly is it that you think you're doing?" His breath was caught in his throat.

"What does it look like?" I murmured against his cold lips. His eyes flashed something dark, and our mouths connected. I felt his hand glide up the smooth leather that sheath my thigh, and I shuttered. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew two things. I was tempting fate, and I was not doing it alone. But, I didn't mind. I could spend every second of my life, and an eternity afterwards kissing Edward, and it wouldn't be enough.

Sadly, the same epiphany seemed to strike Edward. He gently wrapped his hands around the tops of my arms and extracted himself from my embrace.

"JASPER, YOU ARE NOT HELPING!" He shouted out the gaping hole what was his doorway. I heard a soft chuckle from the second floor landing, then approaching footsteps. Jasper appeared, long and leonine, in the doorway.

"Jasper, would you mind giving us a hand?"

He arched his blonde eyebrow. "With what?"

"We need an extra set of arms to drag Carlisle's library to the yard for a bonfire."

"Excellent plan." He extended his fist, punching it against Edward's. He held out his fist to me, and as they connected, I felt another wave of lust wash through me. I turned to look into Edward's eyes. He glanced at me for a moment, then punched Jasper in the arm.

"Would you stop it? I have enough trouble holding off her libido as it is!" He growled at him jokingly. My face reddened as I stared into the golden carpeting. "Come on. Let's go."

I was carted down the stairs and deposited in the doorway. "Stay." They told me at the same time. I rolled my eyes and leaned against the wall to wait for them. I only saw blurs of books as they ran from the study to the lawn and back.

"NO WAY! EDWARD, GET IN HERE!" Jasper boomed from inside the office. Edward returned in a flash, catching my wrist and dragging me along. Jasper held a large book in his arms, and the cover was pulled back to reveal a secret compartment. Inside this compartment sat almost twenty smutty magazines.

"W…What the hell?" I sputtered. Edward looked at the magazines, open-mouthed for a moment before exploding with laughter.

"I know exactly what we're going to be doing with these!" He finally managed to slip some words into his gales of laughter.

"And that is…?" I asked. Laughing was almost out of the question for me. This was akin to finding Charlie's condoms while searching for a pen in his nightstand.

"How would you feel about a little art project? I'm thinking a mural sized collage on Carlisle and Esme's bedroom wall." He said, sending Jasper into another fit of laughter. "I'll get the scissors, you get the glue." He said to Jasper. They both shot from the room.

"Bella?" I heard Edward call from somewhere on the first floor. I followed the sound to a room I'd never seen before. A large, wrought iron bed sat in the center of the immense room, covered in neutral sheets that matched the pale walls.

"This one." Jasper pointed to the wall across from the window. Edward smiled and tossed him a pair of scissors and a stack of magazines.

"How about I cut, you paste." He suggested, settling onto the hardwood floor cross-legged. He rifled through the magazines, cropping out inappropriate images that I dutifully glued to the wall.

"This is for keeping me prisoner." I snarled jokingly as I slapped a gluey picture to the wall. "Where is Carlisle anyway?"

"I believe that he is out hiding his car somewhere so Edward can't add it to the bastard child of everyone else's cars." Jasper chuckled as he swiped glue onto the back of a full sheet of glossy magazine paper. "Then he's going into Forks to get some supplies for the rest of the day."

We finished the entire wall, and found an enormous fan in the basement that we plugged in to dry the wall faster.

"Esme is going to flip." Edward chortled.

"You don't think she'll be really mad, do you?"

"Bella," He rolled his eyes at my ignorance. "No one is actually angry, and anything that we break is replaced the next day. Unfortunately, that means I'm going to have to put everyone's cars back together tomorrow." He frowned.

"I'm sure Esme's going to have the window's fixed and this wall repainted," Jasper laughed, then his expression soured a little. "And hopefully, she'll have a new door for my bedroom." He threw a glance at Edward.

"I'm sure she will." He chuckled. "But for now, we need to get out of here. The longer it takes for them to figure out who did this, the longer we have to prepare for her counterattack."

I blanched at the though, remembering Rosalie's trip down the stairs this morning.

"Relax Bella," Jasper pleaded. "She'd never do anything to harm you. But Rosalie might when she sees what you are going to do to those boots." He pointed to my legs. I had completely forgotten I was wearing them, and tore them off of myself as quickly as I could. I looked to my left, where Edward had been sitting, but no one was there. But, before I could call out for him, he returned with the shiny rectangular can.

I peeled back the tab, releasing the foul odor of over processed meat into the room.

"Oh, holy hell! Did we actually pay of this?" Jasper cringed as he came to peer at the cube of slop. I picked up one of the boots and stabbed at the block with the stiletto heel. The 'meat' gave way, and the heel plunged into the goop. I squealed in disgust and lifted the boot quickly, expecting the heel to slip from the Spam as easily as it had gone in. Instead, the suction from the odd juice that floated around in the can brought the entire block with it. I shook the shoe again to detach the boot from the can.

The rapid movement jiggled the heel free. It also sent the block of meat across the room, where it connected with the wall with a disturbing splat. It slid slowly down the wall, leaving a greasy stain down the beige walls. Flecks of the pinky orange goo clung to the wall until gravity became too much for them to bear, at which time they fell from the wall and slapped against the hardwood floor.

I choked back my gag reflex while Edward and Jasper roared with laughter.

"I wonder if that's what a brain looks like." I mused.

"Somewhat. It's more of a grayish color." Jasper told me, suddenly somber.

"Oh. Sorry. I didn't mean to…" I trailed off.

"Well, thank you, Debbie Downer." Edward rolled his eyes and laughed. He shoveled some of the meat onto the chopped remains of the magazines and tipped it into the boots, then carried them to Rosalie's closet while I followed. The picked me up and strolled down the stairs at a human pace, carrying me though the hole that had been punched in the glass earlier in the day. A gargantuan mound of books was stacked into a cone shape in the middle of the back yard.

"You'll need to stay back when we light it Bella." Jasper told me as he loped to the pile and tugged a little on a piece of fabric that sprouted from the middle of the pile. "We wanted to start it off with a little bang."

Though confused, I obediently ran to the opposite side of the clearing.

"Farther."

I jogged back another 10 feet.

"Keep going."

I walked a little ways into the woods.

"A little more."

"My god Jasper! How much did you put in there?" Edward called from next to me.

Jasper chuckled something that sounded like 'enough' as he flicked open a butane lighter, letting it lick the side of the fabric. I watched as the fabric blackened and the fire crept further into the pile.

"I'm serious, Bella. Run another 20 feet at least."

Tripping over my own feet in my haste, I sprinted another 20 feet. "Is this OK?"

"Yes. Don't move." He called. Edward stood next to him, facing the growing blaze. I peaked around their forms to watch the books.

I heard the blast before I felt it. A deafening explosion rocked the forest. Books expelled themselves from their orderly pile, launching in all directions. Some landed on the roof of the house, others careened through the plate glass wall, and some were launched into the forest. Flaming encyclopedia's whizzed past my head as I ducked.

The wave of heat from the blast hit next, singeing the hair on my arms. The blast pushed the air around us, a solid wall of air that enveloped our bodies. I sat frozen for almost a minute, waiting for the last of the flaming pages to settle. A still laughing Edward lifted me from the ground at set me on my feet.

"Are you alright? I didn't know how much Jasper overdid it. I'm sorry." He chuckled.

"I'm fine." I managed to spit out. I followed him back to the yard where Jasper stood around the diminished pile of books. "What the hell was in there?"

"No one ever mentioned that I was a bomb specialist during the war, did they?" He asked me.

"You made a bomb?!" Edward and I yelled at the same time.

"You were just supposed to put a gasoline container in the center."

"When the hell did you have time to make a bomb?" Edward and I spoke at the same time.

"I figured a bomb would be more entertaining than gasoline, and I've had that bomb made since 1866. I've just been saving it for a rainy day." Jasper answered us both.

"A rainy day? A RAINY DAY?! EVERY DAY IN FORKS IS RAINY!" I shouted like a crazy person. "You just had a BOMB lying around? Did Alice know? Are you insane?"

I felt a wave of calm wash over me. "Bella, it's no big deal. Besides, you have to admit that that was pretty cool."

"Maybe." I said, now embarrassed by my outburst. We stood watching the fames for the better part of an hour, chatting about nothing important. Jasper was explaining the wrongs of the Union in great detail when Edward suddenly looked toward the house. His eyes narrowed, and Jasper was suddenly staring toward the house as well.

"Stupid human hearing." I grumbled to myself. "What's going on?"

But I suddenly didn't need an explanation. The roar of the monster car's engine was growing steadily louder. It screeched to a stop in front of the house, and all was silent. The only noise I could hear was my own heartbeat, a dull throb in my ears.

"And what do we have here?" Emmett whispered in my ear. I screamed, cutting through the silence with a violence that was unparalleled. Alice, who had latched herself to Jasper's side in the blink of an eye, laughed hysterically while everyone else flinched.

"Bella, I'm going to go deaf if you keep screaming at me like that." Emmett laughed as he joined Rosalie next to the fire.

"So," Alice giggled. "What have you been up to?"

"As if you don't already know." Rosalie turned back to roll her eyes at Alice.

"Oh, I do. And it's rather disturbing."

"OK, now I'm interested." Emmett turned to face us again.

"Well, I guess we can show you better than we can tell you." Jasper said as he strolled into the house. Emmett ran after him eagerly. Edward lifted me, running into the bedroom. He set me on the bed, then turned to the door to greet Jasper and Emmett. One of them, I can't be sure which, mutter something that sounded like 'showoff'.

I watched Emmett's face make the emotional transition from shock, to horror, then to complete hysteria in seconds.

"Guys…" He was laughing too hard to form a coherent sentence.

"I know! Who knew Carlisle was such a creep-ass!" Jasper laughed with him.

"No! That's…not…bhahaha." He failed to finish the sentence again.

"That's not what?" I asked, now intrigued. I began to get impatient after he laughed for another solid minute. I turned to Edward.

"Don't even bother asking me. He isn't even thinking anymore."

"EMMETT!!" I shouted. "What is it?!"

"Those aren't Carlisle's magazines!" He finally choked out. I paused for a moment, then came to the only logical conclusion.

"My god, Emmett. Why would you stash your porn in Carlisle's office?"

"It's not mine, either." This sent a new jolt of hysteria through him.

"But if they're not Carlisle's, and they're not yours, whose are they?"

"They're-"

* * *

**Whose porn is it? Why does Emmett know? And what the hell is Esme going to do about that wall?**

**Find out next time!**

**RANDOM (but only sort if) SONG CHOICE-**

**The Good Left Undone-Rise Against**

**Look up the lyrics, then think about New Moon. **

**The resemblance is uncanny.**


	5. An Explanation And A Change Of Heart

**A/N Hidy Ho Good Neighbors! I ended up going straight from school to work yesterday, so I didn't get to write. But I think it helps my process to post every other day, so that'll be the new trend (with a few exceptions)**

**Oh, and no one guessed correctly as to whose porn it was.**

**I would also like to mention that last night, while lying in bed trying to sleep, I had an epiphany. Bella's prank for Edward. It's going to have Edward's POV at some point, and it may start taking shape this chapter. And, in my humble opinion, it's bloody hilarious (or at least I hope it will be). **

**But anyway, back to the porno. Lmao. How often do you get to say that? **

* * *

"_My god, Emmett. Why would you stash your porn in Carlisle's office?"_

"_It's not mine, either." This sent a new jolt of hysteria through him._

"_But if they're not Carlisle's, and they're not yours, whose are they?"_

"_They're-"_

He sputtered with laughter again.

"SPIT IT OUT!" I yelled. The suspense was killing me. Emmett looked directly into Edward's eyes for a single second, doing that annoying 'talking without speaking' trick that they do. Edward's jaw dropped, and he turned to the doorway. I glanced to see what he was looking at.

Alice stood in the mouth of the room, hanging her head.

"ALICE?!" Edward, Jasper and I all shouted at the same time.

"I…er…uh…I can explain." She muttered.

"Great! I, for one, would _**LOVE**_ to hear it." Jasper said, blatantly oblivious to Alice's secret collection. If Alice could have blushed, she would have been glowing like Rudolph's nose at that very moment.

"Uhmmm…Well…Rosalie told me that there were…uhmm…good things to…uhhh…try in them." She mumbled, almost too low for me to hear. I rounded a look at Rose, who stood next to Emmett, patting his back while he caught his unnecessary breath.

"What?" She arched a perfectly tweezed eyebrow at me. "They have some fun stuff in there. If you to ever get around to doing it, you should check them out." She winked at me, and Edward hissed at her.

"Alright then. That brings me to my next question. Why the hell does Emmett know?" Jasper asked his wife.

"Look at me. Do I look 18?" She growled. "How am I supposed to buy them when I look like I'm still in junior high?"

"First of all, you don't look that young. You make me sound like a pedophile when you say it like that. And, second of all, you had EMMETT do it?" Jasper rolled his eyes.

"Hey hey hey now! I was just helping out. No need to get crabby, Jazzy." Emmett interjected. Jasper shot him a withering glare at the sound of his nickname. I'd been instructed to never, EVER, call Jasper that. And now I knew why. Jasper crouched low, a snarl broiling in his chest. He sprung at Emmett, slamming him into the ground. Edward jogged over and separated the figth before it escaladed further.

"Well, I would like to commend Emmett. He never thought about this. I had no idea." Edward told Alice.

"Thanks. That made everything just peachy-keen Edward." She grumbled.

"And not to exacerbate the issue further, but this mural doesn't exactly make sense anymore." Edward said, motioning towards the wall.

"I disagree." Emmett said, his voice formal as he brushed off his shirt. "Though the meaning of the pornography may be wasted, Esme is still going to have a conniption fit when she sees what you've done to her bedroom wall."

"I concur." Jasper said somberly.

We wandered back to Edward's room to wait for our comeuppance. He had stashed some food for me, and for that I was beyond grateful. I was forced to leave more than half of my breakfast on the table when we'd been attacked, and my hunger had only been sustained for an hour or two. I was ravenous again. I munched on the granola bar he'd given me while we talked.

"So, what do you think Esme will do?" I asked.

"Well, I can only assume that she will alter our rooms somehow. About thirty years ago, Emmett, Jasper and I completely ripped one of the walls out of the kitchen. We ended up away from the house for a few hours, and by the time we'd came back, she had nailed all of our bedroom furniture to the ceiling. Since I didn't have a bed, she took every one of my CD's out of their cases and bolted them to the ceiling individually. It took me almost five hours to take them all down, find their cases, and re-categorize them."

"Wow." Who knew she was so diabolical?

"I know. It was quite a pain. Jasper got in extra trouble because she bolted the wardrobe in their room with the doors against the ceiling so Alice couldn't get into it. She was absolutely livid." He chuckled.

"I guess it's no wonder you guys usually leave her alone." I giggled at the though of sweet Esme scheming like a supervillain, tapping her fingertips together while laughing manically.

"Emmett never seems to learn. Back in about 1950, we lived in a house that had a pool in the back yard. He cut up her Persian rug and flushed it down the toilet, so she had a cement cap made for the pool, and the next year, she pushed him in and capped the pool before he could get out. It took him an hour to break through the cement."

"Wow." I said again. "Are you sure it was such a good idea for us to have messed up her room then?"

"Well, I'm hoping that she won't be able to figure out who disgraced her wall until after twelve o'clock tonight. That way, at least you'll be a vampire the next time she strikes."

I grinned hugely and hopped into his lap.

"And to what do I own this pleasure?" He chuckled, repositioning me for my own comfort.

"You just said that I'd be a vampire next year." I glowed. He frowned back at me.

"I did say that, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did." His sour expression could not suppress my joy. "Next year, I'll be able to survive anything. We can be the perfect team."

"Well, why wait until next year? I could change you now, if that's what you really want."

"You…you would…what?" I looked at him in complete and utter shock.

"I could change you now." He said resolutely.

"Would you? Please?" I begged.

He looked at me for a long moment, his face hard, mask-like. I watched the amusement dance behind his eyes, and his face cracked into an immense grin. "Really Bella? Did you think that I would just suddenly change my mind?"

"I guess not." I grumbled, sliding off his lap.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you all worked up over nothing."

"This is not nothing, Edward. This is everything. This is my life. My death." I snarled.

"It was just a prank. I am truly sorry if I gave you the wrong impression." I could hear the pained remorse in his velety voice.

"Well, if you can play pranks on me, then I get to play one on you." I said, listening to the wicked thoughts that popped into my head.

"I guess that's true. And it would be easier for you than anyone to prank me, seeing as I can't hear anything." He tapped his finger against his temple.

"Just you wait, Edward. It's coming, and it's big." I got up and marched from the room. Leaving unprotected was a bad idea, but I didn't really mind at that moment in time. I paced in the hallway, a dark plot brewing in my head. The deeper I let my mind sink, the more sinister it became.

Just you wait, Edward Cullen. **Just you wait.**

* * *

**Please don't hate me.**

**I know, I know. It's way shorter than any other chapter. That's because I'm splitting this one into two. **

**And I couldn't resist ending it there. That cliffhanger is, like, soul-scorching it's so perfect. **

**I'm writing the next chapter now, but it probably won't get posted until tomorrow. I won't be able to write at all on Sunday, so I figured I'd break this chapter up to lessen the pain. Lol.**

**I hope you enjoyed it. I know I did.**

**Review?**


	6. An Authors Note

Sorry guys

**Sorry guys. This is only a note. **

**I keep forgetting the disclaimer, so I'll just put one in here.**

**Don't sue me**

**I still don't own Twilight. I didn't own it during chapters four and five either. Sorry. **

**And, I skipped the random song last time. (Not that it matters, but an A/N that was just a disclaimer would have been lame. Not that this part of it isn't. Nevermind. I'll stop rambling.)**

**Handlebars - Flobots**


	7. A Plan And A Catastrophy

**DISCLAIMER- No, I don't own Twilight. I do own this story though. And I love it. I love it like a little tiny child. ( - Obscure pop culture reference)**

**A/N-**

**I'll keep this note short, because I know (or at least hope) that you're all itching to get to the story. **

**SiriusEdward- They were dirty words. Very dirty words. I'd tell you exactly what they were, but this story is only rated T.**

**And so it begins**

* * *

_Just you wait, Edward Cullen. __**Just you wait.**_

I marched back and forth in the hallway, lost in thought.

That's probably why I ran smack into Alice in my distraction.

"Oh, sorry." I mumbled. She looked at me expectantly, like I had something to tell her. I stared back, confused.

"What?"

"Bella, you're a genius. This is probably one of the best pranks I've heard in years."

"Oh. So, I guess I decided to go through with it, huh?" I laughed.

"Yes, you did. And yes, I'd be happy to help. I'm the best at blocking Edward out, so I'll write the lists."

"Lists?"

"Maybe you haven't gotten that far in the plan yet. You're going to give everyone a list of places. Someone will drive you to the first drop point, where someone else is waiting. They drive you to the next place, and so on and so forth. Right now, it looks like Emmett is dropping you off with me-"

"Then you're taking me to the airport." I finished for her. The plan was simple. I was being kidnapped again. But, unbeknownst to Edward, it would be on my own accord. I had the rest of my college savings, and I was going to buy a plane ticket. It didn't really matter where the plane was going. I wasn't going to be on it. When Edward arrived at the airport, I would hop into a waiting car, and go back to his house to wait for him.

Alice grabbed on to my hand and pulled me down the stairs to her bedroom. The deep burgundy walls accented the furniture and drapes beautifully, and I could help but think that when I finally became a Cullen, I would beg her to design our room.

She plopped down behind a great mahogany desk and began scribbling out lists onto separate pieces of paper.

"Alice," I began.

"I know. I'm going to ask so that none of them know that it was you who planned the whole thing."

"I wonder if that's how everyone else feels when Edward answers questions that they didn't ask aloud." I hinted.

"Sorry. I'm just so excited!" She squealed. "I'll have everyone ready to move out in twenty minutes. Now, you need to think of a good excuse to give Edward that will get you out of the house alone. Then, I'll give you ten minutes, and tell him that I had a vision of you, being held hostage. This is brilliant Bella. He'll never see it coming."

"Good." I grinned wickedly.

"Now, go spend your bit of freedom with Edward." She pranced from the room on her toes. Laughing, I wandered back up the stairs to Edward's room. He was leaned against the broken door jam, waiting for me.

"So, have you cooked up an evil plan?" His tone was polite, trying to hide the patronizing glint in his eye.

"Why yes, yes I did. And I'm going to need some Jello and a small dog for it. I've got to be in Forks shortly to pick up some of the other ingredients." I improvised. "You wouldn't happen to know where I could rent a dunk tank, do you?"

He chuckled, his eyes shining with curiosity. "No, I'm sorry, I don't."

"Well, you're no help." I grumbled playfully. He pulled me to him, kissing me gently, with an edge of excitement. We heard the pang of a piano key, and Edward froze solid.

"No. No, no, no, no, no." He said, then bolted down the stairs. I ran after him as fast as I could. He stood stalk still, staring at his piano. The lid was open, and a sea of hot dogs floated in its open mouth. The water reeked like brine and the funk that stale hotdogs give off.

For a moment, he stood stoic, seeming to be only thinking. I blinked, and he was standing next to the piano. He looked utterly pathetic as he stroked the black, varnished wood. The pain in his face was clearly evident, and it made me almost regret what I was about to do.

Almost.

"I'm going in to town. Is there anything you'd like while I'm out?" I asked him politely.

"No. Hurry back. It's not safe for you to be out alone." He smiled absently, then turned back to the piano to mourn. I skipped out onto the porch and over to my truck, where Alice waited in the passenger seat.

"Drive out to Vista Point. Carlisle will meet you there. I'll take your truck and meet you later."

"Uhmm, Alice? Why are we involving everyone? Why can't you just take me to the airport?"

"Are you kidding? Do you know angry everyone would be if you kept them out of this? This is the first time we will ever truly surprise Edward. This is monumental. And besides, he could probably just follow the combined scents of you, me, and this truck straight to the airport." She giggled.

"If you say so." I muttered, firing up the engine of the truck. We bounced down the highway, then veered off onto a side street that dumped us on to Vista Point. I saw a green Ford Explorer parked in the underbrush, and shot Alice a questioning look.

"He dismantled all of our cars this morning, in case you forgot. I had to borrow some." She explained.

"Do the people you borrowed the cars from _know_ that you borrowed them?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Heh…well, not exactly. But they'll be back before anyone will notice they're missing." She added quickly.

"Yeah, I'll bet." I rolled my eyes as I cut the trucks engine. The Explorer pulled out onto the road, pointed in the direction we had just came from. The window buzzed down, and Carlisle smiled brightly out the window at us. I climbed into the passenger seat, and we tore off to our next destination. We rode mostly in silence, with exception to some polite conversation about the wedding, or the hospital.

"I truly apologize for kidnapping you this morning, Bella." He said suddenly.

"It wasn't really that big of a deal, I guess. And you did help out with my finger." I waved the splint in front of my face, staring at it intently. "I guess we can call it even."

"If only Edward would see it that way." He laughed aloud. We rode silently for another thirty miles when he suddenly began slowing down.

"Here's your stop." He said, throwing the car into park. I looked around. I saw no car waiting for me. In fact, I saw no cars at all. Nothing but the deep green of the mossy forest was around. I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"This is where they told me to leave you. I've got to get all the way to Portland for my next pickup, so you're going to have to wait here."

Grumbling, I hopped from the cab and watched as the SUV took off down the road, and I settled in to wait. After ten minutes, I started to think that my suspicion had been right. Carlisle had just dumped me on the side of the road. 'Some joke.' I frowned to myself and stood up, walking back toward the house.

Again, I heard the roar of the mutant before I saw it. I watched it fly over the bump in the road, suspended in air for only a moment before bouncing back to earth and skidding on the pavement. It settled in front of me as I stared in awe.

"Are you getting in, or what?" I heard Emmett laugh from inside the convertible. I climbed up the tire tread as I'd seen Alice do a McDonalds, and pulled myself in to the seat. Emmett looked completely relaxed as he tore off toward the state line. I buckled my seatbelt, even though I knew it would A) Be useless if we ever got into an accident, and B) Emmett wouldn't crash anyway.

The stereo blared loudly, and some rapper was boasting about how many hoes he's slapped, from what I could make out of it. Emmett knew every word, and rapped along at a blinding speed. I laughed out loud at him, and he turned away from the road, watching me as the tempo sped up. He rapped faster and faster while he stared at me. It only made me laugh harder.

Well, it made me laugh harder, and it made me clutch onto the armrest for dear life.

Five minutes and another horrible rap song later, we screeched to a stop in front of the only hardware store in Forks. Esme was parked in a silver Toyota in the parking lot. She tapped her fingers to the melody of some pianist's composition. Even though the sun was not out, the air was so thick with humidity that you could have gone swimming in it. The fact that it was 90 degrees just added to the problem.

I clambered into the next car and smiled at Esme. She smiled back, but there was something behind her eyes. I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was, but it made me just the slightest bit uneasy. We rode in silence, listening to the CD that Esme had brought with her. I could recognize the playing anywhere, but hearing my lullaby clinched it for me.

"Edward is a fantastic player, don't you think?" She asked.

"Yes, he really is. And he's so creative."

"Yes, he is. In many aspects." She said, hinting. "He's also very good at art. His specialty is usually collage."

I hung my head. "Yeah. He's pretty good at those."

"Are you a fan of art, too?" She asked. I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Yes." I muttered. She'd hit the nail on the head.

"Ah. Well, maybe I'll try a project of my own." She said slyly before turning up the radio. I felt myself blanch as we sped off to our next destination. Somewhere down the highway, I saw a red pickup truck, newer than mine, but not new by any standards, pulling off to the side of the road ahead.

Jasper climbed out of the cab and waited for us, leaning against the hood. We pulled up, and in my eagerness to get away from the now awkward situation I was in with Esme I caught the toe of my shoe on the way out of the car. Jasper, who had been very careful not to touch me in the past for my own safety, ran to catch me before my face met the gravel of the highway shoulder.

"Thanks." I blushed, then tried as hard as I could to suppress it. I knew I was making it difficult on him, and I felt ashamed of myself for not being able to control my own body.

"Bella, stop. It's fine. I'm all right. We all hunted yesterday, remember?" He told me. I looked into his honey colored eyes. Even if they were not as powerful as Edward's, they still told me what I needed to see, to believe him.

We climbed into the old Chevy and took off again. As soon as I was sure that Esme wouldn't be able to hear us, I turned to him.

"She knows." I told him.

"Does she know who?" He understood what I meant immediately.

"She knows that Edward and I did it. I'm not sure if she knows about you too."

"Hmm…"He thought for a moment. "I guess I can ask Alice if she's seen anything. The problem is that Esme plans four or five different things, then follows through at the last second. No one ever knows what she's going to do. It drives Alice and Edward crazy."

We chatted about random things. I couldn't be sure, but I think that Jasper and I were simply getting along, without any 'special' help. Once we'd gotten past the whole bloodlust thing, Jasper was really an alright guy. He had some odd political views, considering he believed that the Confederacy was in the right during the Civil War, but other than that, he was pretty cool.

We ventured out to a road we'd never seen before and parked. A black sedan appeared on the horizon, and was across the street from us in 30 seconds. I recognized the car immediately, but Jasper spoke first.

"Why did you get Carlisle's car and I had to drive this old hunk of junk?" He whined.

"I went out after him and found where he hid it. I wasn't going to take her all the way to Seattle in a Civic." She shivered in disgust. "Let's go."

We made it all the way to Seattle on twenty minutes, and the entire way, we said nothing. Rosalie had lessened her hatred for me, but only a little. She tolerated my decision, but still judged me for it. I could see it when she looked at me. We pulled up next to Alice, who was seated in my truck on the side of the road.

The hand off continued for the next two hours before Alice finally dropped me off at the airport.

"I'll call Edward and tell him that you were kidnapped in my vision, and that you were somewhere outside of Forks. Once you buy your ticket, call me, and I'll tell him about the second half of my vision, then come get you. Edward will get to the airport, see that you bought a ticket, get on the plane to find you, then we'll call him. He'll have no idea what hit him." She giggled excitedly.

"OK, wish me luck!" I said as I climbed out of the cab.

**ALICE'S POINT OF VIEW**

* * *

Sometimes it's hard to believe that Bella is a human, she's so smart. I was the only one that actually knew the plan, in order to protect it. It's easier to keep a secret if you're the only on that knows. I watched Bella walk through the sliding glass doors of the airport before I left, making sure she didn't trip.

As soon as I was far enough away that the airport noise couldn't be heard in the background, I skidded to the side of the highway and cut the engine. I had to work hard not to smash the tiny silver cell phone while I dialed Edward's number. He answered on the first ring.

"What?" He asked curtly.

"Edward. Oh, god. Something is wrong. Where is Bella?"

"She said she was in Forks getting supplies. Why?" He asked, suddenly alert.

"I just saw her being dragged into a red van." I said, as panicky as I could. "She was screaming, but no one was around."

"Where was she, Alice?" He shouted into the phone. I heard the engine of the freak vehicle roar as he threw it into gear.

"Edward?" I said quietly.

"What is it?"

"I heard airplanes in my vision."

All I heard on the opposite line before the dial tone was a deep growl. I pinched the phone shut, and smiled brightly. This plan was working beautifully. Edward wouldn't see it coming. Not in the-

The forest began to shimmer around the edges, and my vision blurred. Oh, great. Another vision. I shut my eyes and waited for the picture. I had expected to see Edward, running frantic through the airport. I'd expected to see his phone ring, and for him to answer it with relief when he saw Bella's number on the screen. I'd expected to see the plan going perfectly.

I was wrong.

What I saw made a bolt of lightening fire through my silent heart. It made me twist the key in the ignition. It made me dial Edward's number with frantic haste.

It wasn't a prank. It was 100 real.

It was the Volturi. And they were in our living room.

* * *

**OH SNAP!! What's going to happen? You'll just have to wait until Monday (or Tuesday if I can't get it out in time) to find out.**

**Hope you liked it!**

**Review?**


	8. A Deadline And A Dead Body

**DISCLAIMER- No, Twilight does not belong to me. And it makes me sad every day. But I'm counting down until August 2****nd****. And December 12****th****. **

**Ugh. **

**A/N- Nothing to say. **

**Read on, lovelies. **

* * *

_What I saw made a bolt of lightening fire through my silent heart. It made me twist the key in the ignition. It made me dial Edward's number with frantic haste. _

_It wasn't a prank. It was 100 real._

_It was the Volturi. And they were in our living room._

* * *

**BELLA'S POINT OF VIEW**

* * *

My phone vibrated again. I'd shut the ringer off after the twenty-seventh phone call. I'd gotten tired of hearing

"I would give anything for some hope.

Are you different?

Could I be different too?

Nobody knows you,

Nobody knows you like I do."

I sighed and turned the sound back on. I needed to be on alert for Alice's call.

Edward called again. Time number sixty-two. I rolled my eyes and let it go to voicemail. He was going absolutely insane, I was sure of it. I sat in an airport restaurant and munched on my nachos, waiting for Alice's call.

"If I had a million dollars,

If I had a million dollars,

I'd buy you a fur coat,

But not a real fur coat that's cruel

If I had a million dollars,

If I had a million dollars,

I'd buy you an exotic pet

Like a llama or an-"

"Hello Alice." I smiled. I didn't even have to see the number to know it was her. Edward had insisted on buying a ringtone for each member of his family, plus one for Charlie, Renee, and Angela. Now, I knew exactly who called by simply listening. "Are you ready to pull my big reveal."

"Bella, something is wrong. I told Edward where you are. He's coming to get you."

"Aw, Alice! This was perfect. What could be so important that you had to ruin it? What's so monumental that I couldn't wait an hour? What's so major-"

"If you'd shut your mouth, I could tell you." She growled.

"Fine." I snapped back. Her surly tone threw me, and now I was interested. "What is it?"

"I just had a vision. The Volturi are here. I saw Jane, Felix, and Demetri sitting on Carlisle's sofa. I don't know what they want but-"

She continued chattering at me, but my head was filled with smog. The Volturi? Why now? Would they come looking for me? Had we waited to long? Would they change me, or kill me?

"BELLA? BELLA! Damnit, if there was ever a time you needed to pay attention it would be RIGHT NOW!" Alice's voice shouted through the little speaker.

"I'm sorry, Alice. What is it?" I listened intently now.

"When Edward calls you AGAIN, since I know you've been ignoring his calls, answer it and run to whatever door you can. You need to find him fast. They'll be arriving at the house at 4:24 exactly. You and Edward need to be back before then, or Jane will think that you are hiding from them, and she'll send Demetri out for Edward. Is that clear?"

"Yes." I said quietly. "Alice?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"I'm scared."

"It will be OK. We would never let anything happen to you, you know that."

"Do you _know _it's going to be alright, Alice?" I asked.

"No. It all depends on what time you two get back. Things go very differently if you're late. Don't be late." She said solemnly.

"We won't. I'll see you soon." I promised her, then hung up the phone.

* * *

**EDWARD'S POINT OF VIEW**

* * *

I dialed Bella's number for what felt like the millionth time today. I listened to her silly little ringback tone and thrummed my fingers on the steering wheel as I sped down the highway. I had given Alice her two minute window to try to reach Bella, then I redialed her number. Just when I thought I'd receive her voicemail greeting yet again, I heard the click that I'd been waiting for.

"Edward?" Her voice was breathy and low. It may have even been sexy if she weren't in mortal peril. Then again, when wasn't she?

"Bella. Thank god. Where are you?" I looked out my window. The clouds were beginning to break, and if I didn't hurry, I wouldn't be able to get her out. She'd have to walk through the airport unprotected.

"In Terminal A at a Chili's." She said quietly. I took the slightest bit of pleasure in knowing that I could get there in time. But, it was quickly overshadowed by something else. Dread seemed to be the appropriate word for what I was feeling. Alice had explained to me what would happen if we didn't make it back in time.

Some of us wouldn't make it.

The Mercedes screamed to a stop. I threw it in park, ripped the keys from the ignition, and ran. I heard murmurs of voices, some saying fire lane, others grumbling as I pushed past them.

"Bella?" I had forgotten I still had my phone pressed to my ear.

"Yes?"

"Run to the south entrance. I'll meet you half way." That wasn't true. I was already more than halfway to her, but the less time she spent alone the better.

I caught a glimpse of her, stuck behind some German tourists babbling about pushy Americans and their disgusting food. I shoved them out of my way and caught Bella in a tight embrace. She obviously hadn't seen me, because her lungs filled as if she were about to scream. I lifted my hand to her face and turned her head to look at me. She relaxed immediately.

"What's going on?" She asked as I dragged her as fast as her legs would allow

"I don't know much more than you do. The Volturi apparently just decided to show up."

"Maybe they're miffed that they didn't get a wedding invitation?" She mumbled jokingly. I had to smile. Only Bella could find humor in such a wretched situation.

We made it outside in record time, and I yanked the door back and helped her into the car. I couldn't move at the speed I'd wanted to with all these witnesses, but I finally made it to my side of the car, and we bolted back toward Forks. By the time we had made it back onto the highway, I was just shy of 175mph. It didn't feel fast enough.

I felt her warm hand on the side of my face, and I turned to look at her. Her pulse was thundering under her skin, and I could smell the adrenaline coursing through her veins. I took a hand off the steering wheel and wrapped it around hers.

"It's going to be alright." I told her.

"I hope so." Her voice broke at the end of her small sentence. I hated seeing her cry. No only did it set off my male reaction to run away, but it hurt me to see her like this.

"Bella, We will make it home in time, and everything will be all right. I promise." I shot a look at the clock.

**4:02**

A trip that would normally take the average human almost an hour would have to be completed in the next 22 minutes. I mashed the pedal closer to the floor.

As we flew through Forks, I watched the minutes tick by.

**4:17**

I swerved the car into the driveway and drove as quickly as I could down the curvy path. I glanced at the clock again.

**4:23**

I kicked to door open and flew to the other side of the car, nearly pulling it off its hinges to extract her from the vehicle. As I ran to the house, I listened.

Jane's dull voice rang in my ears.

_This had better be worth it._

I shivered as I burst though the front door.

"They're here." Alice and I announced at the same moment.

* * *

**BELLA'S POINT OF VIEW**

* * *

As Edward settled me onto the carpet, I felt a presence on either side of me. I looked up to see Emmett and Jasper take flanking positions behind Edward. Emmett had his arms crossed over his massive chest, and his arms flexed with tension. When he looked down at me, though, he looked completely at ease.

"Hey Bells. Can't you go two freakin' weeks without getting into some kind of trouble?" He laughed.

"No." I mumbled quietly. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and an unshielded wave of relaxation wash over. I looked up at Jasper.

"No problem." He said, sensing my gratitude. I watched as Alice came to stand next to Jasper, and from the quiet murmuring on my left, I could tell Rosalie was with Emmett.

The door opened silently, and the objects of my terror entered my life again.

**(A/N- I thought about ending it here, but I just couldn't do it. It hurt too much. Lol.)**

Jane's bored face swept the room and settled around the cluster near the staircase. She quickly assessed the situation, the stance that the Cullen children had taken around me. She raised her head into the air and sniffed. One, short, staccato sniff gave her all that she needed to know.

"She's still human." She looked at Edward and raised a childish eyebrow.

"The change will be made within the next month." He said coldly. "After our wedding."

Jane looked as though she had been slapped in the face. "Your wedding?"

"Yes. Bella and I will be getting married before I change her. The wedding is rapidly approaching, and your visit could not have come at a worse time. We've been planning all day, every day for the past month."

She glanced around the house. "I'd prefer if you didn't attempt to insult my intelligence. I can see that planning the wedding isn't the only thing you've been doing today." Her eyes flickered over to the wall of glass with a hole punched in it.

"What exactly is the purpose of your visit?" Carlisle asked from beside Esme. They stood between our guests and us, acting as a buffer.

"Caius sent us to see what the situation was." She explained curtly.

"I hate having to travel on holidays." Felix whined from beside her. Demetri shook his head and rolled his eyes at him. Jane turned and shot him a look that could have killed even a vampire.

"We'll be leaving Forks in the morning. This is a good faith visit. Your _only_ good faith visit." Her tone made it clear as to what she meant as she leveled the glare at us.

"I hope that you weren't looking to stay here. We're full up." Emmett grinned, his voice deep and threatening. I guess I wasn't the only one that noticed the way Felix was eyeing Rosalie. Emmett's arm snaked around his wife's waste and he pulled her in to a kiss that made me blush. A little giggle escaped Rosalie's lips, then she pushed Emmett back. He turned to Felix and gave the smuggest smile I'd ever seen.

Felix, however, was now frowning. "Let's go." He grumbled. He trudged out the door with Demetri on his heels. Jane hovered for a moment, smiling at me. Edward snarled a guttural oath at her, and the smile disappeared. She glared at me as she marched out the door, slamming it behind her.

"That was it?" Emmett asked from behind us. "I thought they were supposed to be all big and bad. They didn't even want to fight."

I looked up at Edward. "We haven't seen the last of them, have we?"

"No." Alice answered my question. "Definitely not."

Edward carried me to his room and set me on the couch or, more specifically, on his lap. "So. Before this whole fiasco happened, what exactly were you doing?"

"I…uh…damn." I sighed. "I was at the airport pretending to get kidnapped."

"Oh, really?" He arched an eyebrow at me.

"Yes. My plan would have worked, too, if it wasn't for those stupid Volturi." I frowned. "Did Alice even get to call you to get the plan going?"

"Yes. She had me in a panic, but only for a moment. I knew all I had to do was to follow your scent."

"Ah, you see, we planned for that. I spent two hours in random cars with your entire family being chauffeured around Washington and Oregon to throw you off. I made it almost impossible for you to use your 'spidey senses' to find me."

"'Spidey senses'? I thought we talked about that theory before." He teased.

"You know what I meant." I said, furrowing my eyebrows together. "I had this very well planned."

"Yes, you did. I would have been frantic for hours." He smiled and kissed me.

"Are you just saying that?" I asked around his lips.

He pulled back for a moment, and his eyes seared into mine. "Bella, I've been know to go to extremes for you before." He said, and I winced. I hated thinking about those days. Having the Volturi around didn't really help much to keep the memories at bay.

I rested for a moment, then my stomach roared inside me. Edward frowned.

"Someone's a little hungry."

"No, no. I'm fine." I said. My stomach mutinied my brain and grumbled again. Edward simply laughed and brought me down to Carlisle's car. We sped off to The Lodge, were seated, and I ordered. While we waited for my food, I remembered something.

"Esme knows it was us that messed up her bedroom wall."

"Damn. Are you sure?"

"Yeah, she said something about you being good at art projects. Then she asked if I was. So, basically, what I'm saying is that I ratted us both out." I hung my head. He slipped a finger under my chin and lifted my head.

"Bella, it's alright. It was a little sooner than I'd hoped, but that's OK. We'll just have to be careful."

We chatted about the retaliation we would be receiving, and about our next prank for other members of the family. He paid my bill, against my request, and led me back to the parking lot. We slid into the Mercedes and rocketed back to the house. I watched the landscape whiz by while we rode in silence.

Some odd movement caught my eye up ahead.

"Slow down." I told him.

"What is it?" He asked while letting up the gas pedal.

I recognized the black cloak immediately. Jane was hunched over on the side of the road, looking oddly catlike. We slowed further, lowering almost down to the speed limit as we approached. I heard a snarl from outside the open window. It made my blood run cold.

Edward and I watched in horror as Jane opened her mouth and bit the throat of a lifeless human body.

* * *

**You like?**

**I hope so, because I do. **

**I'm not sure how much longer I can make this. Maybe I'll do a sequel. Bella as a newborn would be fun to explore (Kat-L-Black's much appreciated suggestion.) Should I?**

**Just so no one asks, here are the ringtones for each person (I just wanted to do something fun after all that depressingness)**

**Edward- Say The Word- The Classic Crime  
****Alice- If I had 1,000,000- The Barenaked Ladies  
****Charlie- Daddy's Girl- Peter Cetera  
****Renee- I'll Be There For You- The Rembrants  
****Emmett- Barbie Girl- Aqua (per his request)  
****Rosalie- Cold Hard Bitch- Jet  
****Jasper- Until The End- Breaking Benjamin (If you think about it, the words make sense)  
****Carlisle- Fix You- Coldplay  
****Esme- The Scientist- Coldplay (Hello? Killer piano part?)  
****Angela- Never Let You Down- The Verve Pipe**

**Bella's Ringback is Hysteria by Muse.  
****Gotta love Muse. **

**Review?**


	9. A Phonecall And A Fight

**DISCLAIMER- I'm going to be waiting for May 31****st****, August 2****nd****, and December 12****th**** just like the rest of you, because I don't own Twilight or anything of the sort.**

**A/N- I'm updating, partially because I wanted to, and partially because I'm afraid of being hit with pinecones…**

**I have a poll now, so if you'd be so kind as to vote, I'd love you forever and ever. And it's going to determine the whole sequel thing. **

**And I seriously just had the best moment. I was reading Twilight, and I was on page 281 (right before Edward kisses Bella the first time) and Aqualung's Strange and Beautiful came on. If you don't think it's that powerful, look up the song, and listen to it while you read those pages. And if you still don't get it, get your noggin checked, cause you be CRAZY!!**

**And in the words of OK GO!**

**Here it goes again**

* * *

_Edward and I watched in horror as Jane opened her mouth and bit the throat of a lifeless human body._

Edward slammed on the gas pedal and we shot past Jane at light speed.

"What are you doing? We have to go back! We have to help whoever that is!" I screamed at him. Edward looked at me with more pain in his eyes than I had ever seen in my life.

"It's too late, Bella. Whoever that was is already dead. And even if there was hope for them, I could not have left you unprotected while Jane was hunting. All it would have taken was one moment. One second of distraction on my part, and she would have killed you." He said almost inaudibly. Edward's phone rang in his pocket.

"Yes, Alice?" He said. I heard a loud chattering over the wind rushing in the windows. "Yes, We know…We're safe…Tell Esme we'll be there momentarily…We will." He ended the call, then looked at me.

"You're going to need to make a phone call." He told me.

"To who? Charlie?"

"No. Alice had Emmett check on Charlie. He's safe." **(A/N- Insert collective sigh of relief here)**

"Then who?" My mind couldn't quite grasp where he was going. I didn't want to let it.

"The pack needs to know." I could tell this was going to suck for him too. I dialed Jacob's number and waited.

"Hello?" Billy's rumbling voice came through the speaker.

"Billy, it's Bella. I need to talk to Jacob."

"Is everything alright, Bella? You sound upset." His stalling was annoying me.

"No, it's not. I need to speak to Jacob, now."

"Bella, please don't. He's still hurting, but he's making it through."

"Billy, this isn't the time." I tried to keep my voice calm. It was hard not to scream at him.

"Bella, I don't think I can." He said in a soft voice.

"GIVE HIM THE FUCKING PHONE!" I screamed into the microphone. Edward jumped next to me, then settled with a sad look on his face. He didn't want me talking to Jacob any more than Billy did, or any more than I wanted to.

"Are you sure you can handle this?" Edward asked me. "I mean, you're a little emotionally charged right now."

"Of course I am! I just saw my very first murder. I'm allowed to be a little out of it right now." I yelled at him.

"Bella, you're screaming profanities into the telephone. 'A little out of it' isn't quite strong enough for your current behavior."

I shot him a withering glare, and he made a show of pinching his lips together. I heard a scuffle on the other end of the line, the murmur of two voices. I started yelling again.

"JACOB?! IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW!" I knew he would be able to hear me, with his werewolf senses and all.

"Dad, give me the phone…yes, I can handle it…GIVE ME THE PHONE!" He shouted at his father. His voice came through, low and soft. "Bella?"

"Yes, Jake, it's me. I need to tell you something."

He waited silently. I sighed, then continued.

"Jake, a vampire just killed someone in Forks."

I listened intently, waiting for a loud roar, or the tearing sound of him becoming his other self. His more dangerous self. His vampire killing self. But I heard nothing.

"Jake?"

"I'm here Bella."

"It was one of the Volturi. It was not a Cullen. Do you understand me? Not. A. Cullen." I said slowly.

"Bella, I'm not a moron. I've got it." He sounded totally calm. Something was off.

"Why are you not more concerned about this?!" I asked, alarmed and confused.

"Oh, we're concerned." He slipped into the plural. "Tell the Cullens that they'd better stay inside tonight. We'll be crossing the line at exactly 7pm. If any of them is outside, we will not be held responsible for our actions. I'll call you when it is safe for them to leave their house again."

A chill ran up and down my spine. It took me a minute to realize that it was Edward's hand.

"Jacob, these are the Volturi. Don't do this. They'll bring hellfire and brimstone."

"And we'll be waiting." I heard the clicking sound of someone hanging up the phone. Less than a minute later, a snarling howl vibrated the trees outside the car. Being fifteen miles away didn't lessen the sound that I knew belted from Jacob's lungs.

"Why? Why why why why why why?" I put my head between my knees and groaned.

"It will be alright Bella. We'll take care of this. It will be OK." He said as we pulled into his driveway.

"How Edward? How will it be all right? Everything is going to hell, and it's all my fault." My voice cracked, and I cried.

"It's not your fault Bella. It's my fault."

"No, it isn't! Would you stop trying to blame my problems on you?" I sobbed. "This one is all on me."

"Bella, if I had just adhered to your wishes, you would be a vampire right now. None of this would be happening. It _is_ my fault."

We walked into the house, and again found everyone pacing around the great room. Emmett walked over to me immediately, lifting me into another huge hug.

"And that was for…?" I asked after I'd caught my breath.

"Are you kidding? This is the most fun we've had around here in years!" He laughed boisterously. Rosalie appeared stealthily at his side and slapped the back of his head. He frowned at her, his dimples still showing. "What?"

"This isn't something to take lightly, Emmett." She snapped. "Now, we're going to have to hide the body. Plus, the wolves are going to be on this like stink on shit."

"Bella called Jacob. We're going to have to stay inside for a while." Edward told them.

"What? Why?" Emmett whined. "I wanted to get that little Jane girl. Or Felix. If it comes down to it, I call dibs on Felix."

I felt myself stiffen. Felix had called dibs on me once.

"I was hoping it wouldn't come to that." Carlisle said from across the room. "Alice?"

"I don't know. I can't see anything now that the wolves are involved."

We all milled around aimlessly for an unknown period of time. The sun was sinking slowly, floating just above the horizon. Suddenly, at the exact same moment, every single Cullen in the room turned to the door in anticipation. Edward wrapped his hands around my waist and pulled me back toward the staircase.

The front door opened, and Demetri, Jane, and Felix entered. Plus one.

A corpse was draped over Demetri's shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He let the body flop to the floor. The head of the man I'd never seen before bounced a little when it connected with the hardwood floor.

My stomach rolled at a cold sweat sheathed my forehead. Edward shifted in front of me, trying to block my view. But the damage had already been done.

"I apologize for my moment of weakness." Jane said apathetically. She waved her hand toward the dead body. "We're going to need to take care of this."

I squeaked, unable to hold my horror any longer. Jane looked me straight in the eye, and my stomach lurched again. They were a brilliant shade of red. A shade so bright, they looked like they were glowing from within. She smiled harshly at me. A thought that went through her mind made Edward snarl.

"Oh, relax." She snapped at him. "It doesn't do anything anyways."

"I don't care. You keep that to yourself. You've already caused enough problems here. Why don't you just go?" He seethed. Carlisle stepped between them, sensing where the conversation was going.

"Edward, why don't you go upstairs and get your shower curtain. We're going to need something to put the…ehem…body in. Take Bella." He added. He lifted me and stomped up the staircase, setting me on the landing. I tried to stand, but the fact that a dead body was simply lying on the floor three stories down was too much for my mind to handle. My knees buckled, and the last thing I remembered was the floor rushing toward my face.

* * *

The edges of the room blurred into view as I felt two sets of cold hands attending to me. I could see Carlisle's blurred form knelt beside me, checking my heart rate in the veins in my neck. Edward held my head in my lap, stroking my hair.

"Bella? Can you hear me?" Carlisle's voice was muddled. I opened my mouth, but no words would come out.

"Bella? Bella, I'm here. You're safe. Everything is OK. Is she OK?" He asked Carlisle.

"She should come around momentarily." He rose. "When she's functional, you'll need to bring her back downstairs."

"And why would I do that? Seeing those things is what put her into this situation in the first place." He snapped.

"I don't know, Edward. Alice just said that she needed to come back as soon as she was able." He turned to leave. I heard him sigh, and I felt Edward stiffen.

"Carlisle. What was that?" He asked. Something in his voice was off. Carlisle turned to face him. Something was off with him too.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to see that."

"Was that what I thought it was?" He asked, angry now.

"No, it isn't. I'm sorry." He said again, then left.

"What was that?" I asked, finding my voice.

"Bella! You're all right! Thank god." He said, planting kisses all over my face. I tilted my head to catch one of them on my lips. It ended too soon.

"I repeat, what was that?"

"I don't know." He looked confused. "Carlisle had an obtuse train of thought for only a moment, and then it was gone."

"What was it?" I asked.

"I can't be sure. It was very discombobulated. I caught a glimpse of Jane on the side of the road, and of Alice on the telephone yelling at someone. None of it made sense."

I sat up slowly, letting the blood flow to my head catch up. Edward held me up with one white hand while I caught my breath. "So, shall we?" I looked towards the door.

"We don't have to. We can wait. Whatever it is can wait." He said quietly.

"No, it can't!" Alice shouted from downstairs. I sighed again and stood. Edward walked to the bathroom and ripped his shower curtain down in one quick movement. He lifted me with one hand and carried me on his hip like a toddler as we descended the staircase.

He set me on the floor and whipped the balled up shower curtain across the room, where it smacked against the side of Felix's head with a satisfying THWACK noise. He turned and hissed at Edward, then at Emmett, who stood a few feet away laughing hysterically. When Felix's attention moved to him, Emmett taunted him again, slapping Rosalie's backside and pulling her in for another passionate kiss.

Felix wasn't the only one distressed by the sudden display of affection. Edward cringed beside me, and I watched Alice's vision cloud over for a moment. She gagged a little and shivered. Jasper flinched at the lust. I hoped that, when I was finally changed, I wouldn't have an invasive power.

Esme cleared her throat from across the room, and they separated. Emmett shot Felix another look, then walked right past him to the kitchen. Rose followed close behind, latched onto his hand. Edward jumped beside me, and opened his mouth to protest. But it was too late.

Felix's hand shot out, like white lightening, and landed firmly on Rosalie's passing butt. Emmett turned slowly, the fury boiling just under the surface. Rosalie turned to look at his as well, and her arm cocked back. She punched Felix square in the nose. I heard an odd crunching noise, and a roar of fury. Rosalie planted her hands akimbo and glared at him.

Felix snarled at her and crouched. Before anyone had time to react, Emmett grabbed onto one of Felix's arm and flung him out of the house, punching a new hole in the glass wall. Emmett flew out of the house, and the fight continued in the yard. Felix bolted into the forest, with Emmett just steps behind.

As they disappeared from view, the grandfather clock tolled.

One  
……

Two  
……

Three  
……

Four  
……

Five  
……

Six  
……

Seven

* * *

**(A probably outraged) Reader- WHAT? THAT'S IT?**

**Me- Yes, I'm sorry. It is. **

**Check back for the next chapter soon. **

**I love you. Please don't punch me in the face. **

**-slides hockey goalie mask over face-**

**Review?**

**Poll?**

**Random Song Choice  
Strange and Beautiful-Aqualung**

**Here's a playlist of all of the songs I've ever mentioned before (with a couple missing. I tried. Sorry)  
****(Whoop that trick and Clair De Lune are the songs Bella listened to with Emmett and Esme)**

p l a y l i s t . c o m/node/30825843  
(take out the spaces from playlist)


	10. A Suprise Guest And A Confession

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* * *

**

DISCLAIMER- Nope. Still not mine. -sigh-

**A/N- I know, I know. It's late. I said Thursday or Friday, and it's Sunday. Please cut me some slack. Just a little. I mean, it's really hard to type when you have Italian guys in black suits are bending your thumbs backwards…**

**Thanks for any and all reviews guys!**

**- I tried really hard to make this sound less like he was gay, but I couldn't. Sorry. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay. It's just that he's not, and…I'll stop now. I'm just making it worse. lol**

**And without further ado…**

* * *

_Felix snarled at her and crouched. Before anyone had time to react, Emmett grabbed onto one of Felix's arm and flung him out of the house, punching a new hole in the glass wall. Emmett flew out of the house, and the fight continued in the yard. Felix bolted into the forest, with Emmett just steps behind._

_As they disappeared from view, the grandfather clock tolled._

_One……_

_Two……_

_Three……_

_Four……_

_Five……_

_Six……_

_Seven_

* * *

**EDWARD'S POINT OF VIEW**

* * *

I watched my brother catapult himself into the sunset, inches behind the fleeing Felix.

_That mother fucker! He'd better run! _Rosalie thought to herself.

_Oh, no. God. The wolves. _Alice was panicking. She couldn't see anything, so she wouldn't be able to tell us whether or not Emmett was alright.

_Great. Another body we're going to have to burn. _Jasper sighed internally.

_Maybe this has gotten out of hand_. Carlisle muttered.

_Oh, I do hope- _

I blocked the rest of Esme's thought. Someone else's had struck home.

"Carlisle?"

_Shit. _"Yes Edward?" Carlisle thought and spoke at the same time.

"What exactly did you mean-" I was cut off by a train of thought that quickly grew louder.

_And I have to travel on Caius's birthday. I wait for this day all year, and I have to spend it on a damn plane?! I mean, the drive from Volterra was hell, and then on top of that, a nine hour flight, then a four hour flight. I need a new job. _The internal voice sighed. _Well, here it goes._

I'd never heard this voice before, but the with word Volterra, my brain clicked over to defense mode. I latched on to Bella's wrist. She looked up at me, doe eyed.

"What's going on?" She whispered. Not that it mattered. Everyone was too focused on the noise outside. Three solid raps on the door was all the answer she needed.

* * *

**BELLA'S POINT OF VIEW**

* * *

Stupid human hearing.

All of the Cullens (minus Emmett) had turned towards the door, and I was quickly shuffled behind Edward's rock solid body. That can never be good. I knew the sound was coming, but because of the silence that had fallen over them, the loud banging on the front door still made me jump halfway out of my skin. We all looked to Carlisle, who was already walking towards the door. He pulled it open and smiled.

"Welcome, Alejandro." Carlisle beamed. He lead a Spanish-looking man into the great room. He was extraordinarily beautiful, not that faces like his shocked me anymore. His dark hair curled around his ears, and was flat around back, like he's been lying his head back against a seat for a long period of time. His musculature was perfect, visible even under his clothing. I shook my head hard, trying to clear it.

Carlisle turned to us. "Alejandro and I were friends back when I was staying in Volterra. I'd even convinced him to come with me and try our current lifestyle. **(A/N- ) **But he changed his mind at the last second. I'm sorry, but this really isn't the best time for a visit." He turned back to Alejandro.

"Well, I'm sorry for that, but I'm not here on my own accord this time. Aro sent me. He's asked me to find out about the wedding. Something about an Edward and Bella."

"Oh, of course. This is Jasper, Alice, Esme, my wife, Edward, and Bella." Carlisle seemed reluctant to say my name. Alejandro nodded as Carlisle pointed to each of us. He paused on Edward, his gaze narrowing over his shoulder at me. I looked into his maroon colored eyes and blushed.

I felt my heartbeat quicken. _What the hell is going on? _I thought to myself. My skin burned crimson when Edward turned to look at me.

"Bella, what is it?"

"I…I don't know." I mumbled. My head was filled with the thoughts of Alejandro and his beautiful face. _OK, now I'm concerned. _My muddled brain fired off its last rational thought. I fell fully into the mental pool that was Alejandro. I felt an odd desire to reach out and touch him. I wanted some sort of nearness. Edward cocked his head to the side the slightest bit, then turned back to his father and their guest.

"And does your friend have any _special _talents, father?" Edward asked, his tone a tad sharp.

"Yes, Alejandro has to power to attract."

"It makes finding decent pray easier." Alejandro told Edward.

"Well, I'd appreciate if you'd stop using it on my fiancé." He snapped. Suddenly, my head was completely clear. I looked into Edward's ocher eyes.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"It's not your fault, love. That's what he was built for." Edward said reassuringly. I grimaced. It was still completely and utterly mortifying to be attracted so vehemently to someone while standing side by side with my fiancé.

"I apologize." Alejandro stepped forward and extended a hand towards me. "I should not have abused my power in such a way. It's just that I've heard about your resistance, and I wanted to see if I could accomplish what others could not. I've always wondered whether my power was physical or mental, and now I know."

I stepped forward and gently wrapped my hand around his. An odd, speculative look came to his face. He held my hand longer than customarily acceptable. I tried to gently take my hand back, but he wouldn't let go.

"The warmth. I've never taken the time to appreciate it. It's glorious." He was awestruck.

"Yet another benefit of not chowing on the human race. If you don't recall, Carlisle said this was a bad time. And it's a REALLY BAD TIME!" Alice spoke for the first time. Or shouted rather. The distraction of her outburst was enough to allow me to slip my hand from his. I retreated back until I felt Edward's hand on my back, reassuring me.

"Aro could have just called." Rosalie snapped at him. "Then I could be out looking for my husband instead of wasting time on chit-chat." She threw a quick glance at me, and I knew that if Emmett came back in any condition other than perfect, I was going to be to blame.

"Wait a minute. Aro knows about the wedding?" I asked. Things weren't adding up.

"Yes, my dear. Everyone knows of this union. It's the first in history."

"Everyone, eh?" Edward's voice was suddenly hard and sour. "So, Jane. What is your real purpose here?" He snarled at her.

"I…ah…well, you see…" She averted her brilliant red eyes.

"Wow. Such a clever defense. Did you think of that all on your own?" He growled sarcastically. "Now, some had better explain to me exactly what is happening right this very moment."

* * *

**EMMETT'S POINT OF VIEW**

* * *

I bunched my muscles and powered forward, closing the distance between us again. I'd already ripped a hole in the back of his shirt where I'd kept grabbing it.

Suddenly, Felix darted to the side, and I charged past him. As soon as I'd realized what had happened, I sprung into the air and flipped, landing face to face with him.

"LET ME EXPLAIN!!" He shouted as my hand wrapped around his throat.

"Is that your last request?" I snarled at him, tightening my grip

"Yes." His breath whistled from his crushed windpipe.

"You have 15 seconds."

* * *

**BELLA'S POINT OF VIEW**

* * *

Carlisle stepped toward us.

"Edward, will you be able to remain calm?"

He growled. "That depends on the next words out of your mouth."

"Well, Edward, this all started as a prank."

"A WHAT?!" He roared. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY WOULD MAKE YOU THINK THIS WAS FUNNY!"

Well, I guess that whole calm thing was out of the question, huh?

Esme stepped forward, and I cringed. The thought of Edward's rage directed towards her made me want to cry. "Edward, this was all in the name of fun. We knew that you, Bella, and Jasper were the ones that made that awful mural on our wall. We called Jane to come and pretend to harass you. We had no idea that she was going to attack someone."

Edward was shaking with a rage that could've blown Mount Vesuvius to smithereens. "So, someone dying is just an unfortunate byproduct? That could have been Charlie. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN BELLA! AND NOW THE WOLVES ARE OUT THERE HUNTING!! YOUR OWN SON IS IN IMMORTAL PERIL!! IS THAT FUNNY TO YOU?!"

I hadn't noticed before, but Edward has shifted closer and closer to Esme. Carlisle stepped between them, holding up a hand.

"I have something to confess."

* * *

**I know, it was short. But that's because I wanted to give a little fair warning first. **

**The next chapter will be the last one.**

**I know. It hurts for me too. Lol**

**And, I've made a decision on what exactly it is that I'm going to be doing as a sequel. **

**Everyone seems to be clambering for a July-Fools-Day-Bella's-a-newborn story, and that will be happening. But I hope you don't mind waiting. **

**Because I'm going to do a Post Eclipse story first. It will continue the day after July Fools Day, will extend all the way to the next July 17****th,**** and will include the wedding, the wedding night, Bella's transformation, her power, ect. Then, a new story will come out as July Fools Day Part Duex (That's probably not the real name, so don't go searching for it just yet.)**

**I'll let you know the title of the new story in my next A/N!**

**RANDOM SONG CHOCIE-  
****CLOSER-NINE INCH NAILS  
****(If you're the conservative type or your parents are around, I'd suggest you skip the song.)**

**Reviews would be loverly! **


	11. A Punishment And A Finale

**DISCLAIMER- I own none of this. Not one bit.**

**-sob-**

**A/N- Well, then end's not near, it's here, kids. I absolutely loved writing this for you guys. I hope you like my finale. All 11 pages of it. **

**Oh, and for fair warning, there seems to be a greater amount of curse words in this chapter than most. Rose gets a little cranky. But to quote Bella Swan "I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not." **

**Thank you for sticking with me. I hope you've been as entertained as I have. Sequel information will be at the bottom.**

"**This is not the end. It's not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning" –Winston Churchill **

* * *

_Edward was shaking with a rage that could've blown Mount Vesuvius to smithereens. "So, someone dying is just an unfortunate byproduct? That could have been Charlie. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN BELLA! AND NOW THE WOLVES ARE OUT THERE HUNTING!! YOUR OWN SON IS IN IMMORTAL PERIL!! IS THAT FUNNY TO YOU?!"_

_I hadn't noticed before, but Edward has shifted closer and closer to Esme. Carlisle stepped between them, holding up a hand._

"_I have something to confess."_

"And that would be?" Edward seethed. "You've been blocking me all day. I suspected something, but I just wrote it off as today being what it is. Then you slipped earlier, and you've been locked like a vault since. I wasn't sure if I could take another round of 'happy birthday'. Even your thoughts are off key."

"Well, you see, ah…here's the thing…" Carlisle stalled.

"Oh, for the love of god." Jane snapped. "Hurry it up. I've got to go find Felix so we can leave."

Carlisle shot her a peeved glace then turned back to us. "Well, here's the thing. I was working at the hospital yesterday, and we happened to have a John Doe that was a D.O.A…"

Esme went rigid in the background. "You didn't!" She shouted at him.

Carlisle sighed. "I did. I had the idea to bring the body home and pretend to feed from it as a prank. When Alice told me that the Volturi were coming, I saw a brilliant opportunity. I called Jane and told her the plan. We stashed the body in the freezer in the basement, then put him on the side of the road when I knew you'd be driving by."

I stood in a silent stupor. Edward, on the other hand, had a very important question.

"Then why are her eyes red?"

"Wouldn't they be?" I asked him quietly.

"No. Dead blood does nothing to sustain us. It has to be fresh."

Jane laughed, a light tinkling sound. "Your Carlisle is a genius. Just wait."

Carlisle looked back to us. "Ah, that. Well, today was the monthly blood drive at the hospital. I simply sedated a more anxious patient, and Jane drank her blood from the IV tube."

My knees buckled and my weight sagged against Edward's blindingly fast arms. I shook my head hard, trying to work out the situation in my head. I made a quick list. Pros, there was no murder, this has all been a hoax. Cons, the wolves didn't know it was a joke, and were now on the hunt for a vampire. Any vampire. And at this moment, that meant Emmett.

* * *

**EDWARD'S POINT OF VIEW**

* * *

My angel spoke from my arms.

"But, the wolves… Emmett…"

Apparently, she wasn't exactly coherent yet. But, from everyone's thoughts, they all seemed to understand.

"Yes, that's a complication that we weren't prepared for." Carlisle said quietly.

"YOU WEREN'T PREPARED FOR?!" Rosalie's voice boomed and echoed around the cavernous room. "MY EMMETT IS OUT THERE KILLING A MEMBER OF THE VOLTURI WHILE BEING STALKED BY WEREWOLVES, AND IT'S SOMETHING WE WEREN'T "PREPARED FOR"!!"

_Poor Rose_ Esme thought to herself. She was still frightened by my outburst earlier, and had not spoken since.

_What have we done?_ Carlisle asked himself in ire.

_You were everything I wanted  
But I just can't finish what I've started  
There's no room left here on my back  
It was damaged long ago  
Though you swear that you are true  
I still pick my friends over you_

Alice was singing to herself. That could only mean one thing.

"Alice. I'd sure love to know why you're singing New Found Glory rather than being concerned over your brother's disappearance." I turned blindingly fast to glare at her. So did everyone else. Or at least everyone but Bella. I'd set he back down, and she was suddenly distracted by Alejandro's presence again. But, I'd deal with that later.

Alice looked at me like I'd just ratted her out to the police. _Bastard._

I simply smiled at her. "Please, I'd love to hear your explanation."

She sighed heavily and began.

* * *

**BELLA'S POINT OF VIEW**

* * *

Alice shot daggers at Edward with her eyes, then spoke.

"Did you really think I wouldn't see this coming?" She asked Esme and Carlisle. "I mean, Esme at least tried, but come on Carlisle. Really?"

"Get to the point Alice." Rosalie snapped.

"I saw Esme calling Jane this morning, after she saw the wall. Then I saw Carlisle's plan, and I knew I could doup you all."

Edward froze solid next to me. They spoke at the same time.

"She called the wolves."

"I called the wolves."

The entire room fell completely silent, save my thundering heartbeat. No one blinked. No one breathed. No one so much as thought anything. I only knew that because Edward's attention never wavered from his sister. Finally, Esme spoke.

"So, the wolves aren't in the forest?" She whispered. The she felt seeped from every word.

"Well…" She paused.

"Alice, why can't you see anything?" Edward interrupted, his tone strained.

"Because I _did _involve them, I can't see anything anymore. I knew this was coming. I just have no idea about what's going on. They might be in the woods, they might not."

Rosalie cocked a blonde brow at her. "So, what you're saying is, the wolves know about today, and they know that Jane DIDN'T kill anyone, but they're still in the woods. In the woods where Emmett is currently hunting a member of the Volturi. Well, great. That's great. THAT'S FUCKING GREAT!!" She roared, her anger catching up with her at the end. She turned on her heel and marched out the back door.

I was wondering for a moment why she didn't just walk though the hole in the glass, but I quickly understood the extra effort. With one last burning glare, she slammed the door. She slammed it through the wall and pulled it past the jam onto the other side. With another frustrated roar, she heaved the door into the yard and stalked into the forest screaming Emmett's name.

The rest of the house cleared as each person went to look for their respective family members. I heard Jane muttering something about Felix being a 'low-life douchebag', Demetri and Alejandro on her heels. Carlisle and Esme wound their fingers together and walked into the forest, calling Emmett's name. Jasper bolted like lightening into the night.

Edward turned to me and reached into his pocket. "Stay. Call Jacob and make sure that he has kept his word. I need to go find Emmett before he kills Felix."

And then he was gone. My bones turned spongy in the bad way, and I started to sink. Alice's tiny arms looped around my waist and pulled me to the couch across the room. My eyes stared unfocused on the hole that was the backdoor, hoping Edward would pop through and scoop me into his arms. That was, of course, until I saw Alice attempting to stifle her laughter.

"Mary Alice Branden Whitlock Cullen **(A/N- Like how I threw Jasper's last name in?) **I don't see one thing that's funny about this." I said slowly, my words sharper than barbed wire.

"Oh, I do. Just wait." She was still giggling.

"Wait for what? Dammit Alice, you know I hate it when you do that."

"Don't worry Bella. You'll see soon enough."

I opened my mouth to speak again, but Alice put an icy cold palm over my lips. I seethed at her, then listened. Alice started to shake with silent laughter.

Stupid human hearing.

I didn't have time to wallow in my annoyance. I could hear a soft hum that grew increasingly louder, almost like a person turning the radio knob up. At first, it sounded like static. But, as the source of the sound grew closer, I could distinguish words.

"MumblemumblemumbleassholemumblemublefuckingidiotmumblekillyoumumbleSHITHEADmumbleYEAH YOU'D BETTER RUN!" Rosalie's voice echoed off of the trees around us. "NO XBOX FOR SIX MONTHS!! AND NO SEX!"

Emmett's reply was muffled, but I knew the question by Rose's infuriated answer.

"WHEN I FEEL THAT YOU HAVE EARNED IT BACK. EARNED **ME** BACK!!" she screamed at him.

"But Rooooose?" He whined, stepping into the clearing, followed by a shaking Rosalie. "It wasn't even my idea. Felix thought it up!"

"And you went along with it. And you just earned yourself another two weeks, trying to blame it on Felix."

"Two weeks for what?" He asked, his expression pained.

"Your pick."

"Ok. XBOX then."

"OK, Sex it is."

"ROSE?!"

"That's what you get." She said, marching into the house and up the stairs, promptly slamming the door hard enough to shake the house's frame. Emmett skulked over to the couch and plopped down. He turned and glared at me suddenly.

"What?" I asked, cowering on the opposite end of the sofa.

"Your boyfriend is a CLASS-A DICKWEED, THAT'S WHAT!" He shouted.

I sat in stunned silence. Emmett had never yelled at me before. It was terrifying.

Suddenly, a loud banging came from the ceiling. Little plaster chips rained down over us, and the house shook in the wake of the pounding. I looked straight up to see a livid Rosalie poking her head through the hole she had just punched in the floor with god knows what.

"EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN, YOU WILL NOT BLAME THIS ON EDWARD. OR BELLA FOR THAT MATTER! JUST BECAUSE EDWARD TOLD ME WHAT YOU WOULDN'T DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU GET TO BE MEAN TO THEM!" She shouted, then pulled her head back through the hole. If I wasn't still horrified from Emmett's rant, I may have laughed. She looked like a gopher. I heard a loud scraping noise as Rosalie pushed the bed over the hole and flopped down on it, hard.

The rest of the family returned slowly, followed by Jane, Demetri, Alejandro, and a seemingly unscathed Felix. I opened my mouth to speak, but Alice beat me to it.

"Sooooo, what did you do?" She asked Felix.

He looked around shiftily, then started to speak in a hushed voice. "I slapped her ass on purpose. I just didn't expect the aftermath. Then, when that big one came after me, I decided to try and make peace instead of fighting. That guy would have killed me."

"Damn straight." Emmett mumbled from the couch. Rosalie cleared her throat loudly, the sound echoing from the hole above me, and Emmett shifted uncomfortably, looking annoyed again. I stood and stepped a little closer to Felix, against my better judgment. But, he seemed to behave himself.

"We decided to pretend like he killed me. We were going to get you all worked up, and then I was going to walk in totally fine. It would have been hysterical." He smiled a little on the last part.

Rosalie stormed down the stairs, making more noise than I'd ever heard before. She was hysterical, but not the funny kind.

"YOU ARE AN ABSOULUTE FUCKTARD! DO I HAVE TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE AGAIN?" she screamed at the top of her undead lungs in his face. I blinked at the most inopportune moment. I missed Felix darting and cowering behind tiny Jane.

However, I did not miss Jane latch onto the roots of Felix's hair. "Are you fucking kidding me?" She spit. Felix frowned.

"No."

"Do you have any idea how much paperwork that would have been?" She snarled.

"But, I wouldn't have actually been dead! You wouldn't have had to do any paperwork."

"I think what's she's trying to say is that she would have killed you herself." Demetri's deep voice shocked me. I hadn't realized until now, but he hadn't spoken before. Jane lips tipped into the slightest smile, and Felix flinched.

"I do believe that it's time to go." Jane said coldly. She turned to Carlisle and Esme. "I'm glad that we were able to help."

"It was much appreciated." Carlisle nodded.

Sometime during the commotion, Edward had stealthily approached my back and now rested his hands on my shoulders. He shifted so we were hip to hip, his arms a snare around my waist. Jane nodded at each of the Cullen children, then paused on me again. Edward snarled as her mouth twitched. Demetri and Felix walked down the line of us, shaking our hands. Felix gave me his signature wink and kissed my hand. The gesture scared me half to death, considering he could have been stiffing me out as a snack.

Alejandro stepped in front of us next, and he shook Edward's hand firmly. He turned to me, his expression safe and warm. "Congratulations. It takes an unbelievable amount of love to counteract my powers, and I've been trying as hard as I could, just to see if I could get you two apart. It's extraordinary."

He stuck his hand out and I lifted mine to shake it. As soon as his chilly skin connected with mine, I stepped closer. My head fogged over, and I found myself leaning closer to catch his sugary scent. I frowned and shook my head. I tried to step back as hard as I could, but my feet were faltering.

"The wedding," Edward said, his voice a tad acidic. "Is on the 13th of August, by the way."

Alejandro laughed loudly and pulled his hand away. "I apologize again. I couldn't help myself. The warmth…well, I'm sure you understand."

A smile hinted on Edward's face. "I do."

"I hope to see you soon. I'm eager to see how this one turns out." He reached out and tapped my nose with his index finger. I frowned. Yeah, the patronized human thing was not going to be missed, that was for damn sure. With that, the last of the Volturi walked through the front door and into the darkness.

I stomach rumbled again, and every Cullen laughed. Edward scooped me into his arms, and before I knew it, I was settled on his soft sofa. "Would you like something to eat, love?" he asked me.

"Very much, thanks." I smiled at him. He shot from the room like a bullet, only to return with a big stack of bowls superglued together a moment later. The top bowl was full of ice cream and a spoon poked out from the center of the mound. But he wasn't alone. His entire family filed through the doorway. Esme frowned when she saw the hole in the window, but brightened quickly.

"So, did we fool you?" She asked politely

"Yes, mother, I believe that you did." Edward told her, grinning.

"Esme?" I said quietly.

"Yes?"

"You did all that just to get _me_?"

She laughed. "Oh, not only you. I did it to get you, Edward and Jasper all at the same time. And, if I do say so myself, I think it was bloody brilliant."

"Me? I didn't do anything." Jasper lied. She turned and arched an eyebrow at him.

"Really? You didn't?" She sounded skeptical. I sat openmouthed. Jasper was just going to let us take the fall?

Esme marched over to where he stood and placed her hand on top of his head. She ruffled his hair with her hand, then pulled it away. Her entire hand up to her wrist was purple.

"Then, why, oh why, son, did I find this purple gook all over my room?" She planted her clean hand on her dainty hip.

"I…uhmmm…aww, shit." Jasper hung his head.

Edward pushed the bowl of ice cream at me, so I ate while they spoke.

"Can I ask why Jasper is covered in purple goop?" I announced

"A balloon filled with jelly was balancing above my doorframe so it would fall on me when I opened it." Jasper said.

"Wait a second. You guys are VAMPIRES, and the best you could do was balance a balloon full of jelly above a door? Humans don't even do stuff like that anymore."

"Hey." Emmett frowned. "Sometimes the classics are the best."

"Oh, that reminds me. I do have to commend you, Carlisle. That dead body idea was brilliant." Alice squeaked from across the room. That triggered something in my mind, and I dropped my spoon. It clattered loudly against the side of the stack of bowls I held. I turned to Edward in silent horror.

"Edward. Where did that ice cream come from?" I said, almost inaudibly.

"The freezer, love. Why?"

I screamed at the top of my lungs as I ran to the bathroom to vomit.

* * *

**Bedee bedee bedee, that's all folks! I hope you liked it!**

**The sequel will be called…**

**Lunar Sunrise. Or at least I think so. It may change, if I end up really hating it. But I wanted to keep it in the family of stellar things that happen at night. The story will be one of the post-Eclipse nature, and will include vampires, werewolves and craziness. OH MY! **

**ATTENTION!! I HAVE A NEW POLL, AND IT IS MUY MUY IMPORTANTE!! IF YOU PLAN ON READING MY SEQUEL, PLEASE VOTE!!**

**I love you all, and hope to see you in the future! **

**Review?**

**RANDOM SONGS**

**MY FRIENDS OVER YOU- NEW FOUND GLORY  
****EMANCIPATE- ASHES OF SOMA  
****ALL THAT I'VE GOT- THE USED  
****GIVING UP- LINKIN PARK**

**Oh, and if you didn't understand the whole throwing up thing at the end, I'll paint you a little mental picture. A naked dead body, chilling next to a carton of Rocky Road in the freezer. **

'**Nuff said.**


	12. VERY IMPORTANT!

A/N-

A/N-

OK, don't hate me. But, this is only an author's note.

As I was writing my version of 'Breaking Dawn', I decided to surf through everyone elses to make sure that I wasn't duplicating things.

And I realized that there are about 6 bajillion Post Eclipse stories out there.

So, I have a new poll.

It is….

Should I keep working on Lunar Sunrise, or scrap the project and move on to my next July Fools Day?

And, I also sort of want to do an All Human story as well. And I was wondering if I made one, would you read it?

So Please, Vote Vote Vote.

The poll can be found in my profile.

Much love,

Mici


	13. LAST ONE, I SWEAR! BONUS INSIDE

DISCLAIMER-

**A/N- OK, so I know I shouldn't be doing yet another authors note, but I don't know how to get to all of you guys otherwise, so here it goes. **

**I'd like to thank all of you that voted in the poll. And, I'd also like to say THANK GOD that the vast majority of you wanted me to scrap Lunar Sunrise. The task was a little more daunting than I had anticipated, so I'm totally stoked that I don't have to follow through. And I totally just made myself sound uberflakey. But oh well. **

**I will be posting an all-human story, because some people actually told me that they'd read it, and deep down, all I'm searching for is a little validation. Haha. It will come out after the next July Fools Day. It'll be called Next July Fools Day. (That way, if I get around to doing one more, I can call it The July Fools Day After Next. And I hope someone understands that reference.)**

**So, as a reward for my posting yet another authors note, I'm putting what little I had done of Lunar Sunrise in here. **

**I think it's iffy at best, but whatever.**

**Have fun, and thanks a bunch for putting up will all of my bullshit!**

I yawned hugely and rubbed my eyes as I sat up. Today was July 18th, and we had exactly twenty-seven days until the wedding. I knew the exact count because not only did Alice remind me daily, she wrote it on my hand in permanent marker. Edward had yelled at her once, something about ink poisoning, but Alice informed him that it wouldn't matter soon enough.

Twenty-seven days Edward got his wish. Twenty-seven days until I got mine.

I'd never tell Alice, for the sake of having something to complain about, but I was counting too.

I sat up slowly, trying to remember which of my homes I was currently in. By the sheet I felt under my hand, I knew that Edward had carried me home last night, as his bed was still sopping wet.

Knowing where I was told me where to look for him. I smiled automatically across the room at him, where he rocked in the ancient chair. I flipped the sheets off and skipped across the room and into his open arms.

"Twenty seven days." His velvet voice thrummed in my ear. I sighed and tipped my head to kiss him. He chuckled and complied, kissing me gently. We sat in content silence, until I heard a clatter downstairs.

"Ugh. Charlie." I sighed, sliding away from him. The door burst open and slammed against the wall.

"Not Charlie." Edward grumbled as he reached out to catch me.

"Charlie left hours ago, silly. And didn't we agree that you would have to start getting up earlier? We don't have all this time for you to sleep. I can't just pull the wedding of the century out of my ass, you know. And we only have twenty-seven days left. And we still have to work out the catering and the flowers and the seating arrangements and the honeymoon and the bridesmaids dresses and-" Alice's words flowed at the speed of light. I looked over at Edward, hoping that he could make more out of what she was saying, but his face was a blank as I knew mine was.

I sighed heavily. After more than a month of my grumbling, Alice had finally gotten so fed up that she threatened to make our wedding a living nightmare if I didn't stop. She threw around the words 'Starwars' and 'burnt orange and fuchsia dresses'. I hadn't complained about the wedding since, or at least not in front of her.

"We have to set up your hair appointment today, and your nails too. Do I have to start rubbing your fingertips in hot dog water to keep you from biting your nails? God, if you don't stop, you'll bite off a finger. Oh, and speaking of fingers, Edward, keep Bella away from the third cupboard on the left in our kitchen. She catches her finger in it, and that splint won't be gone by the wedding." She motioned at my hand.

"Alice, Bella has been up for a total of six minutes. Could we please give it the teensiest tiniest break?"

"Hey, you two are the ones that have me rushing this. I'm just doing what I have to." She said exasperatedly.

"It's OK Alice. I'll go get ready, and we'll go." I frowned and climbed out of Edward's arms, and then shuffled towards the bathroom. I showered quickly, drying my hair and throwing it up into a haphazard ponytail. I scrubbed my teeth hard, concerned about the breath that still might have the hint of vomit from the night before, then ran back to my bedroom. I had also been put on a shower time limit after I'd spent an hour and a half hiding from Alice in the shower. So, not only did I have hypothermia from the water running cold, but Alice had attacked me like a bobcat when I set foot into my room.

She was with me almost every day, following me around and firing off a list of things left to do. I loved Alice dearly, but she was going to drive me up a damn wall. Ever since Edward and I had told Charlie about our engagement** (A/N- Should I make a flashback of that moment?)**,Alice was waiting at my door at the crack of dawn, toting the wedding book. She rarely left before nightfall, but was always kicked out as soon as Edward arrived for the evening.

She latched on to my hand and started dragging me toward the staircase.

"Wait for me, love!" I called to Edward. "I'll return to you one day!"

"Hilarious, Bella. Come on." Alice growled when she heard Edward's laughter. We trooped down the stairs and into the car, and before I could protest, or even blink, we were halfway to the mall.

"Alice? I thought we were going to set up hair appointments." I said, suddenly wary.

"Oh, we will. But I wanted to take you somewhere first." She explained.

Her cryptic message set of a red light in my brain. A light that flashed DANGER! But, as always, I ignored my head and listened to my heart. My heart told me to trust Alice, to have a little faith.

My heart was a sucker.

She tore through the parking lot and screamed into a space. Fastening her hand to mine, she frog marched me through the mall towards a store that made my heart sink and fly at the same time.

Victoria's Secret

"Uh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no." I pushed back against her futilely. "Absolutely not."

"Bella, need I remind you that I already saw this happening? Or that I know the items that you are going to try on, and the one's that you purchase. And that I can bring you every item in the store if you don't stop this foolishness?" She reproached me. I frowned and shuffled into the store, immediately overwhelmed by everything. Florescent pink bras sheathed in purple lace hung from the walls, next to a pair of panties that looked excruciatingly uncomfortable. There were black babydolls with deep V-necks. There were shelves and shelves of panties, with teenage girls rifling through them for their size.

A woman in a dark suit approached us, toting a headset and a smile. "Hi! My name's Mandy. Is there anything that I can help you with today?"

Alice flashed a brilliant smile at her. "We'd like to see the bridal collection, if you don't mind."

She was a little taken aback, but she recovered quickly. "OK, right this way. Which of you two is the lucky lady?"

"She is." Alice spoke before I could. "She's marrying my oaf of a brother."

Mandy laughed politely and waved her hand toward the south wall. "Well, congratulations! He's a lucky guy to have two women like you in his life. Let me know if you need anything!" she said before walking away.

"Wow. Do they work on commission? I haven't been sucked up to like that since I caught Jasper-"

"Alice, do I want to know where this is going?"

"Hmm, maybe not…OK, then, moving on." She rummaged though the selection of bras, bustiers, garter belts, and other objects that made me blush brighter than Rudolph's nose. **(A/N- No offence to non-Christians)** Alice handed me six hangers, then shoved me toward the next available dressing room.

"Alright Bella, you relinquish this decision to me in about 12 seconds, and I can't quite land on one yet. You're going to have to show me each one of them."

"Bitch." I mumbled under my breath.

"Isabella Marie Swan, do I need to go get you a corset?" She gasped jokingly.

"No! No, I'm changing! Listen!" I pulled the zipper down on my sweatshirt, making the process as noisy as I could. "Uhm, Alice."

"What is it Bella?"

"I'm not supposed to try on the underwear, am I?"

"Aw, ew! Absolutely not!" She called from the opposite side of the curtain.

"I'm just checking…" I mumbled, embarrassed.

"Have you never done this before?" She sounded incredulous.

"Erm…no."

"Oh, god. Well, I guess it's a good thing that I have an eternity to teach you, huh?" she laughed.

I pushed back the curtain and stepped out into the harsh store lights. The first item was a white lacey bustier with a matching garter belt and white thigh high stockings. They looked a little silly over my bright red underwear with a picture of a monkey on the back.

Alice seemed to think so too, as she went into gales of laughter. I frowned at her and marched back being the curtain.

"Bella, aw, come on. Get back out her."

"No, you'll just laugh."

"I swear that I won't."

I listened to my heart, yet again, and walked back out to see her. She had a hand slapped over her mouth, and was shaking uncontrollably. She used her free hand to motion for me to turn, and when I did, she couldn't hold in any longer. Her shout of laughter echoed around the dressing room and out into the store. I squealed in a loud, angry-type fashion and marched behind the curtain.

I tiny white hand shot past the divider.

"Here, take these." She opened her fist and dropped a pair of white boyshorts in for me. Grumbling, I grabbed them.

"Alice, these didn't come out of that bin in the front, did they?" I asked, holding them at arms length between two fingers.

"No, Bella. I asked someone to get a new pair from the back."

"Fine." I sighed and changed into the next item. The white babydoll that barely covered my butt sent Alice into her own mind for a moment.

"I hope you know how awkward this is for me." I said to her.

She came out of her trance slowly, frowning. "What? What is?"

"Uh, if I'm not mistaken, you just went into your own head to see what the sex was like between your brother and I in my current attire."

She rolled her eyes. "I've seen worse. Much worse. Have you forgotten who I live with?"

"Oh, come on. They can't be that bad."

"Believe me, Bella. Rosalie and Emmett are like the wonder twins of sexual escapades."

"OK, gross. And also beside the point." I scowled at her. "I'd prefer if you didn't peak in on my first time. It's weird that you're seeing it before I am."

"Fine. I'll only focus on what you're changing into in the bathroom."

"Still a little weird, but OK, I guess." I turned back to the stall I'd exited from and changed yet again. This time, a racy red babydoll with ruffles across the bust had a sly smile brewing on Alice's face.

"You're getting that one, for sure." She told me. I blushed to match my 'outfit' then changed again. The process continued for the next hour and a half, with Alice picking out the items that she liked best. For the wedding night, she settled on the baby blue bustier with an especially inflated push up.

By the time we left the store, our total had been 1756.90, and I was totally mortified. We stepped out of the store, each clutching 3 bags in each hand. Unlike Alice, the weight of all of the things we'd bought was affecting me. As I was hitching one of the bigger bags over my shoulder, I slammed into someone, hard. I landed on my butt on the hard tiles, letting out a little 'oof' noise.

I looked up to see none other than Mike Newton staring down at me.

"Oh, god, Bella. I'm sorry. I guess I wasn't looking where I was going." He bent over to help pick up my spilled purchases. I cringed when he lifted the bright red babydoll off the floor.

"I…Uh…heh…" I muttered, trying to think of an excuse but coming up short.

Mike appeared to be just as flustered by the situation, but, unlike myself, he had the intelligent idea to remain silent. Jessica Stanley, however, did not have this intelligence.

"Bella? Is that you?" She asked stupidly. I tried to suppress the urge to roll my eyes at her. Of course it was me. Who else would be sprawled out on the floor in the middle of the mall, as red as a tomato, with a hovering Alice Cullen?

"Yep. Just doing a little shopping." I said quickly, lifting myself off the floor.

"A lot of shopping, by the looks of it." She looked from my face to the name of the bag, then back to my face. She lifted an eyebrow at me.

"Bella, we need to get moving. We still have things to do today." Alice came to my rescue.

"Yeah, sorry guys." I said to them. "I'll see you at the wedding, right?"

Mike nodded glumly, while Jessica grinned at me. Something about it was a little sour, but I brushed it off. I scurried off to catch up with Alice when she froze. It was only for a moment, but when it was over, she turned back to me and burst out laughing.

"What?" I asked. She looked over my shoulder and pointed. Mike was still standing where we had collided. In his hand was a pair of fire truck red lace panties that went with one of my new sets. He turned to look at me, and held it high above the head, shaking them.

"Lose something?" He shouted, drawing extra looks from passersby. I ran, jumping for the scrap of lace that he held just out of reach.

"Mike, I swear to god, if you don't give me those right now…" I trailed off, having not thought the plan through farther than getting the underwear back.

"You'll what?" He teased, letting the lace brush against my extended fingers before lifting it higher.

I lifted my foot high and brought it down hard on his toes. He flinched and dropped the panties into my open hand. I glowered at him and waited for him to straighten so I could glare into his eyes.

"I warned you." I smiled smugly.

"Bitch." Mike muttered under his breath.

"Wow, overreact much, Bella?" Jessica sneered.

"Bella?" Alice called, her voice anxious. I turned to look at her, and knew instantly that something was very, very wrong.

"This isn't over." Mike said to my retreating back as I went to join Alice. I looked over my shoulder and shot him a harsh smile.


	14. HehermSEQUEL INFO

**A/N- I swear, this is the last one.**** I promise.**

**(Yeah, I know that's what I said last time. I lied. Sorry.)**

**And I won't do this again. I promise. **

**Next July Fools Day is up, and I know there are people that have alerts up for this story, and I wanted to let them know too. **

**I love you. Don't hit me with a baseball bat, please. I really wouldn't like it. **

**-Cowers in corner-**

**Random Song**

**Love- Matt White**


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